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Song Parodies -> "Funeral Embalmer"

Original Song Title:

"Sugar Magnolia"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Grateful Dead

Parody Song Title:

"Funeral Embalmer"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Another OS from the 'Dead's "American Beauty" album of 1970. Part of my continuing and occasional "Amiright Health & Safety Tips" series...
~ ~ ~ [Instrumental Intro] ~ ~ ~
[continuous thru intro section]
{Dead-de-dead, dead-dead, de-dead}

Funeral embalmer
stiff restorer
Dead guy's ready
he's over there
Way he looks will sure
make folks shiver
Can we do something with
this guy's hair?

Three-car collision
under the Freeway
Driver was sure high
Should not have drived
Pieces recovered
put one guy together
Not much of the others
could anybody find

They got smushed
did not wear seat belts
Safety Warnings
did not heed
In car crashes
that can mean trouble
Pavement contact
makes you bleed

(Instrumental break)

The accident that they had
was violent
Few survive
one of that magnitude
They were done
the moment it happened
On contact both of them
were through

Their faces smashed
into the windshield
Once that had happened
were sure to die
What a bummer, but
they should have foreseen it
Was the type of impact
few can survive

Funeral embalmer
clean up the dead ones
Make 'em look alright
Fix 'em up so the
mourner's won't faint
at the sight
When you're done
they will be fit to see

These folks did not
have to die, though
Were ejected from their seats
With reasonable caution
they all
could have survived
that thought makes you cry
yes, you'll weep

Sometimes hear their
loved one's cryin'
May seem cruel
but this I do say
"Your child did not have
to die, Sir
They wear their seats belts
and they walk away"
They walk away

Dead guys; were creamed
Ran into a large tree
Thrown thru the
front window
Doomed then as their
blood flowed
Pulseless; they're deceased
And now they're layin'
on my table as
the mourner's arrive
Unwise; got creamed
blood flowed; it streamed

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
if that funeral embalmer reconstructs those folks only half as well as you reconstructed this dead ditty, then the funeral will go off without a hitch...its a smash !
Paul Robinson - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin ~ ~ ~
Tim Hall - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
The 5's earned in this parody were no accident.
Adagio - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
That's one job that I never even had a wish to try out. Good job, Paul
Red Ant - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey Paul, I caught this by Pat's comment; there is a contest started by Matthias about "worst jobs", still open for admissions...I think this would be a good one for that competition.
Paul Robinson - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tim & Pat - Red, are you telling me this parody would be a "dead cinch" to win that contest? Thanks for the tip, but I'm eschewing contests for the present time. My current situation does not allow for a whole lot of "on-line" time.
Larry Hensley - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Very good.
Paul Robinson - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Larry ~ ~ ~

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