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Song Parodies -> "Ain't No Loogie Like The One I Hawked"

Original Song Title:

"Ain't No Woman Like The One I Got"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Four Tops

Parody Song Title:

"Ain't No Loogie Like The One I Hawked"

Parody Written by:

Syncronos

The Lyrics

How embarrassing would it be if while trying to find the girl you liked on a subway platform, you turn and let a loogie fly...only to find that she was directly in the line of fire?
Aint no loogie like the one I hawked
Aint no loogie like the one I hawked
Aint no loogie like the one I hawked

Every day the the sun comes up around her
She can make my poor old heartbeat skip
I would take a train just to be around her
Guess that’s where I got post…nasal drip
Didn’t see where I was aimin’…
But I let that phlegm-ball slip…ooops

Aint no loogie like the one I hawked
(Oh no it hit her sweater)
And she ain’t happy, ‘cause it runs a lot
(She looks mighty peeved, got a Kleenex, please?)
She slapped me over like a pimp and ho
(Next time, I will know better)
Ain't no loogies like the ones I throw

She just beat me up, and it's down I'm goin' (I'm goin')
Put a hurtin’ on me, made me beg…
Wouldn't be surprised if my pain keeps growing (It keeps growing)
Bigger, ‘cause she hit me, right ‘tween the legs
When I hit the ground, she walked off…
But not before…I got KNOCKED down a peg, now…oh no…

Ain’t no loogie like the one she hawked
(When she spit, her aim was dead-on)
She still ain’t happy, but a damn good shot
(Let a good one fly, right in the eyes)
Stuck my eyelid like crazy glue
(I'm a blinded man, my sight’s gone)
People, ain't no loogie like the one she threw…

Oo, what a good, good loogie shot
All you need’s…a little snot...

Ain't no loogies like the ones we hawked
(I got one on her sweater)
I chased her down and I asked her to talk
(I expressed my need, and then she agreed)
Had a coffee in the corner store
(My day is going better)
Ain't no loogie hawkin’ anymore...people

Well…Ain't no woman like the one I've got
(Well I kiss the ground she walks on)
But she’ll hawk a loogie if you piss her off…
(And my baby’s aim is dead-on)…

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   12
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 12
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rex - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
'Snot bad at all. You might be interested to know that this parody was predicted by the great seer Nostrildamus. 555 loogies.
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
"Stuck my eyelid like crazy glue (I'm a blinded man, my sight’s gone)" That's a good line, You just keep getting better and better my friend.
Matthias - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Cute story. I could actually hear this to a country tune... I don't know why, It just seems that way.
alvin - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
great title switch....disgustingly funny
Tommy Turtle - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Congrats -- you've just enlarged the Turtle's vocabulary.... loogie.... wasn't sure which end that would come from. You mucus laugh, so 555.
Jeff Reuben - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Great minds think alike =) I guess we were on the same wavelength yesterday (or caught something from each other)
Guy - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Quite simply Flemboyant. Eye Nitwit News 5 at 6 -- Boogie hawkers lock loogies at Penn Central - Later met for Cough-fee. Flem at 5:55. Huck tooie! Oh excuse me is that a hawker on your sweater or was someone just happy to see you?
Kristof Robertson - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Cringe! Eye wateringly funny (or should that be throat drippingly?) A patooie of 5s
Mucus McMembrain - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
You ever see someone pull snot up inside of their nose making a sort of rumbling noise and then instead of spitting it out they swallow it? That is almost as bad as pick and eat. When you're out with your honey and your nose feels runny, you may think it's funny but it snot. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but only an idiot would pick his friend's nose. And a worser idiot would pick and eat off his friend. Anyone eating a meal or a snack while reading this - beware gross stuff ahead. Oops I meant to put the disclaimer at the beginning. Hope no one barfs because of this.
Pucus McMembrain - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't pay no 'tention to my twin brother Mucus. He's just plain gross, been that way all of his life. I thought I'd fix him one day and cure him of his grossness. We went on a deep sea diving excursion. you knoe, kinf og likr dky fiving in Vegas except you get to go under water for long times and not drown and stuff like that, ya see. We had lunch just before getting into the deep water suits. I told him that he needed to eat boiled eggs, broccoli, cauliflower, gabbage and loads of beans to avoid getting the bends which could be fatal. I told him I already had my fill. He gobbled the food down and he was actually enjoying the aromatic input produced by his output. Then he thanked me for saving him from the bends. True story. .
stuart mcarthur - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
embarrasment would have been the least of your problems on this occasion, Syncronos, and if you ask me the punishment fitted the crime - you've got an uphill battle ahead of you with that gal now (pitty the loogie didn't go as uphill) - lol - great and original idea for the decathlon comp too - 555
bobpiecheese - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
(Decathlon 2.0) Aw, a happy ending! How cute! Great job, Sync.
stuart mcarthur - November 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(dec2.3) see above - and I'm pleased there was a happy ending to this unfortunate tale
Kristof Robertson - November 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(DEC2.3) See above. Nice that this story had a happy(ish) ending...sponsored by Kleenex. ;-)
Arwen - November 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Decathlon...I thought this was hilarious, Syncronos...but rest assured that if you hawked a loogie on me, there would be no happy ending after I kicked you in the crotch. ; )
Agrimorfee - November 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(Dec) Coulda been a one-joke grossout pony, but you made a whole story that one could empathize with.
Phil Alexander - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(Dec) What Ag said - this worked better than I expected, nicely told. "Hawked a loogie", though? It's not a phrase I think I've come across before ("Pass the Duchie" parody, anyone?)
Jack Wilson - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
This was HILARIOUS,5s
Jeff Reuben - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
So Arwen wouldn't boog you anymore :) Good story parody!
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(Dec2) I like it, but I have one thing to say, I didn't see this as all that embarrassing, but still a good parody.
Mikey Squirrel - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
DEC2- Very good, Syncronos. It was phlegm-tastic. Yes, that was the best joke I could do. I'm tired.

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