The only reason that I have a kitchen
Is that it came, it came a-with the house
I never use it, I just don't like the stuff there
I like to order out, or send my spouse.

Appliances, they all give me the shivers
The oven looms so big, so threatening
Refrigerators always harbor blue mold
The sink is always filled ominously

The floor says it's no wax, but it's a liar
It always needs a moppin' and it's true
That Spic 'n' Span can irritate my brown eyes
So the mold experiment, it really grew

I just hate it, don't know why
Any plants that are there, they all die
To clean this place......I sometimes try
Because the odor here can make you cry.

In the dining room, my kids are sitting hungry
They haven't eaten and they are wantin' food
The pizza place will no longer deliver
Cause last time that they came, I was really rude

McDonalds is nearby
We'll have to drive there
And hang out in the drive thru burger line
Some Big Kid meals and a Number 3 meal
Will tide us over till next time we dine

I just hate it, don't know why
Any plants that are there, they all die
To clean this place......I sometimes try
Because the odor here can make you cry

My husband comes home and sees containers
And he knows that the kitchen wasn't used
Another meal, another twenty dollars
He grabs a shake and then he gets confused

He wonders if his wife will ever go and
Use the kitchen for more than getting drinks
If the kids get hungry can they get food?
Delivery food, it really stinks

My oh my, I sure know how to get take out
I order from the menu carefully
It ain't funny how this diet isn't working
Experts order so laconically

I just hate it, don't know why
Any plants that are there, they all die
To clean this place......I sometimes try
Because the odor here can make you cry
The odor here can really make you cry
Honey, oh, the odor makes you cry