On a treelined highway in northern Washington
The smell of black coffee of of Sparkwood & 21
In the glare of my headlights I saw an owl take flight
Indicating most mysteriously that I should spend the night

And she stood in the doorway, looking somewhat forlorn
I asked her her name, she said "I am Audrey Horne"
I asked if there was a vacancy, she said, "It's your lucky day
A bunch of Norwegians just checked out--now why would they not stay?"

Welcome to the Hotel Great Northern
Such a lovely place, with reasonable rates
Plenty of room at the Hotel Great Northern
Open through the year
Douglas Firs are here

"My daddy's kinda twisted though he's very rich
His passions are Real Estate and a big brie cheese sandwich
Got an FBI Agent in Room 315
He talks to his tape recorder
But he looks like a sex machine!"

Later I called room service, a steak dinner sounded fine
The old geezer who brought it for me
Had to be at least 109!
And I swore those voices I heard from far away
Sounded like they were backwards, and I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Great Northern
Such a lovely place, with reasonable rates
Looking for clues at the Hotel Great Northern
What a nice surprise
Damn good cherry pies!

I then asked Audrey, "Why the all the greed and vice?"
She said, "It's Mark Frost and David Lynch's plan
A simple plot device"
And I realized right then and there, they were not simply geeks
How the hell did I get here
On the set of "Twin Peaks"?

Last thing I remember, I woke up from a snore
Sitting in my Lazyboy, the place I was before
"Well," I said to myself, "it was all a dream"
Then I heard the Log Lady say.
"The owls aren't what they seem!"