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Song Parodies -> "Hoffs-Drawlar"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

A LOST song from the perspective of Jack addressing his old rival in the coffin at Hoffs-Drawlar Funeral Home in the season three and four finales.
Saw your name in the paper.
I had to look twice.
I’d done too much boozing;
Maybe this was the price.
But I wasn’t mistaken.
Sometimes it stings to be right.
I made my mind up as the plane touched down.
I had to end it that night.

As I gazed at the pavement,
About to take the leap,
I felt a fierce inferno and
I heard a crunch and a scream and a beep.
Went to go play the hero
Because that’s what I do.
When I got out of the hospital,
I had to come see you.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Sorry you’re dead, but it’s hard for me to mourn ya.
All you brought my life (all you brought my life) was a lot of strife.

You put a knife through Naomi.
I always blamed you for Boone.
You blathered on about a sacrifice...
What a goon!
You set off those explosives,
Scads of C-4.
The Flame was in flames and
The sub was no more.

All the while you insisted
I misunderstood.
You swore that every single thing you’d done was
For the Island’s good.
And when you wearied of telling me not to leave,
You encouraged the tangle of deceit
I went on to weave.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Yeah, Jeremy Bentham, it’s hard for me to mourn ya,
With your pseudonym (with your pseudonym) and your vanished vim.

The man here informed me
That nobody else came.
Pathetic. You went out a bitter old man,
All alone and lame.
You said that we were special
And shared one common fate.
I think I might accept that now,
But I’ve found my faith too late.

Who lurks in the shadows?
Am I really seeing Ben,
And can I trust he’ll get me back
To the Island once again?
He once tried to warn me
Of the lesson I would learn:
“If you leave this place, the day may come
When you want to return.”

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Guy - July 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Bil. What can I say except masterpiece. You played out the OS so well, you never missed a beat and the pace and timing were perfect, not to mention how well you described those parts of the storyline. Best yet! I've Ben getting used to Lockein' in ya 5's and this is no exception except it is a higher form of 5 your gettin'.
Bilbopooh - July 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, Guy! Glad you liked it so much - and I love your punny last sentence! 8-)
WarrenB - July 12, 2010 - Report this comment
I feel bad that Guy and I are the only one's commenting on your slick and enjoyable narrative skills. You've got two solid fans here, though, who want you to keep on keeping on. 5's for certain.
Bilbopooh - July 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Aw, thanks, Warren! These comments from you guys make my day! :)
Guy - July 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Bil. I'm on board with warren. There has to be more than three die hard Lost Fans on this site. C'Mon "Losties", speak yer piece when Bil. writes about Lost.

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