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Song Parodies -> "(Don't Come To This) Ho'-Hell Pal I Warn Ya"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"(Don't Come To This) Ho'-Hell Pal I Warn Ya"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

A dream, or not a dream....that is the question
On a dark corner thigh-way
Drool chicks of despair
Big swell of their teetas
Sticking out, nearly bare
"Get some head right this instance!"
Her lips a glimmering sight
My head grew longer as she flashed her quim
I got a room for the night

There she lay on the bedspread
I saw her missin' teeth
And I was wondrin' if my thing
Could slip between them and get some relief
Then she greased up a candle
Which she shoved up my butt
They heard screamin' down in Ecuador
Right when she bit my nuts

Don't come to this ho'-hell pal I warn ya
Such a nasty place (such a nasty place)
Rather breathe some Mace
Twenty for rooms in this ho'-hell pal I warn ya
Service is severe (Ho's are quite austere)
Better watch your rear

She put some cuffs on my wrists and
She brought in her sadist friends
They used a lot of pretty gritty toys
On my rear end
Think they live in the graveyard
Street hummer-ettes
One wants me dis-membered
One says "Not just yet"

Then one buckled a strap-on
As I start to whine
"Just bear it while I spear that rear
And things will turn out fine"
So shrill my voice is still bawling, must be in hell
Quakes erupt from my tremors at the sight
And they hear me yell

"Don't come to this ho'-hell pal I warn ya
Such a nasty place (Such a nasty place)
Know I'll catch a case
They're strappin' it up at this ho'-hell pal I warn ya
Far as I surmise
This is my demise"

Fear is what I'm feeling
Sheets ingrained with lice
And she said "We'll just keep you prisoner here
'Till we've all gone twice"
Then she hands me an apple
And says "Just take a bite"
I recollect the times of yore
And I say "Please, not tonight!"

Next thing I remember
Waking up on the floor
I knew I must have dreamed it but
My rear end was awful sore
"Relax" said my girlfriend
You know it was just a dream"
Then she smiled with her missin' teeth
And I began to scream

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 5   15
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User Comments

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carol - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL! U r twisted.
Paul Robinson - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Whew! Quite a piece of work here...really well done...gotta agree with carol, though...but, that said, I really did like this...hysterical and so very well-written...5's ~ ~ ~
alvin rhodes - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day...love the "gotcha" ending...lol
AFW - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Now, this is my kind of tail...er, tale....glad the censors were sleeping.. very funny fable..5's
Tommy Turtle - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
"thigh-way" Fives right there!!! - what a cool pun to describe so many streetwalk streets. Followed through well; maybe watch what you eat (or drink, smoke, snort, etc.) before beddy-bye time.
Rick C - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Classic Dee Range stuff here! :-) High fives!
TT - April 21, 2006 - Report this comment
BTW, haven't seen "quim" in a while... Quite quim and proper vs. other slang terms... Qute quim, I mean, cute whim.
Dee Range - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
TT, sorry you haven't seen any quim in a while lol. Thanks everyone for the votes and comments.
Larry Hensley - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Brilliant stuff, bwahahahaha
Red Ant - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Great rhyming here Dee, and a funny story beautifully holed, I mean told. I loved the ending - wait a minute, given how this ended, and how "end" could be interpreted more than one way, I'll just say I laughed. 5s.
YAD - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Owch... Although I've never physically experienced this, I could actually FEEL it while reading. 555.
Adagio - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Dee, what an imagination...it is imagination isn't it? Leave the dismembering to me..muahaha. 5's
Dee Range - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
TAD and Adagio, many thanks...yes, thank God, this is just my imagination.
Tim Hall - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job!
Dee Range - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Tim, thanks so much. Haven't seen a parody from you in a while....what's up?
T - April 22, 2006 - Report this comment
The girly turtles hide it in their shells lol
Dee Range - April 23, 2006 - Report this comment
T...:-)
PMS - April 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh my gosh! I can't believe I missed this first time round! LOL555!
Dee Range - April 23, 2006 - Report this comment
PMS, thanks. Glad you enjoyed my nightmare lol.
Peregrin - August 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Came here via the 'Random' feature, Dee. I, too, wondered if this is life imitating art! Time for another reBUTTal...! Good work!

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