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Song Parodies -> "The Mailman Can"

Original Song Title:

"The Candy Man"

Original Performer:

Sammy Davis Jr.

Parody Song Title:

"The Mailman Can"

Parody Written by:

Claude Prez

The Lyrics

Question: How do you screw up a sweeet government monopoly to the point where you're nearly bankrupt? Here's half the answer (somewhat exaggerated). I'd go into the other half but "The Bloated Management Bureaucracy Man" isn't very catchy.
Who can send your rent check
Off to Zanzibar
Find it eight months later when you're living in your car
The mailman
Oh, the mailman can
The mailman can and he whizzes in your yard it makes your ferns grow good

Who can blast your guard dog
With his pepper spray
Even if it's tied up and it cannot get away
The mailman
Oh, the mailman can
The mailman can and he gets him in the eyes because it feels so good

The mailman sports
Funny-looking shorts
House to house a path he's beating
With his bag and friendly greeting
It's a lot like trick-or-treating

Who can take his lunch break
Stretch it into two
Laughing at his boss because there's nothing he can do
The mailman
Oh, the mailman can
The mailman can cause the union gets its way and screws the world real good

The mailman takes
Lots of extra breaks
Sits around upon his tushie
Talk about a job that's cushy
You could say that he's a wussy

Who can take your parcel
Throw it in your pool
Blame it on a neighbor kid who shoulda been in school
The mailman
Oh, the mailman can
The mailman can cause they can't dismiss his butt the way they wish they could

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 43

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 3
 2
 
 2   2
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   7
 3
 4
 
 5   34
 37
 36
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

2nz - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent, Claude. Give it to those Mail Chauvinists. You really mailed this one. Umm... I'll think of some more, just a sec... Doh. Excellent, Claude.
Robert J. Pagliaro - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
How could anyone not like this? Might there be a little first person in this one Claude?
Royce Miller - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
your parodies are always exceptional, Claude
John Barry - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
555 worth of postage!
Ashkicksass - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, Claude.
Johnny D - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
This parody has "MAJOR HIT" stamped all over its plain brown wrapper!
Dee Range - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Great, Claude. Reminds me of Newman on Seinfeld, taking a lunch break and stretching it into two. High 5's
Claude Prez - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey thanks everybody. Perhaps a little first person here but I don't actually work with anyone like this. Any more. Also I'm having a serious case of that submitter's remorse; if I'd waited one more day I'd have used: "The mailman gits/ lots of benefits/ any little thing he wishes/ Talk about a pile of riches/ You should hear the way he bitches".
martha - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
excellent Claude really funny one ....
alvin rhodes - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
HAHAHA...this is brilliant...and true, as well....5s
John Jenkins - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Outstanding parody, Claude. Clever way of spoofing government monopolies and throwing in unions, too. Maybe I am missing something because everybody else is awarding you 5s, but I saw the pacing as a 4 because candy has one more syllable than mail.

But my question is - why does a monopoly like the US Post Office need to market itself by sponsoring a bicycle rider (Lance Armstrong)?
Billy Florio - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
EXCELLENT!!!!!! PARODY OF THE DAY!
Meriadoc - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
When I first saw the title I thought it was gonna be a pass the censor sort of thing - "mailmen do it with a full bag" or something... ;-D

And John, where do you come from where 'mail' is only one syllable? :-O
mac - August 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Are mailmen really this bad in America now?
Bob Gomez, recycling my junk mail - August 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Not at all. I've been fortunate to have the services of a great mailman for fifteen years or so. He's friendly, efficient, knows my kids, stops to chat when he can. Still a great parody, Claude; probably post office workers would laugh the loudest! d;:^)
Guy - August 11, 2004 - Report this comment
No postage due on this little number. Excellent as always Claude. And this little return receipt will only cost you $5.55.
Guy - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - Claude, you never cease to completely entertain throughout the entire read and this one was no exception. This is as good or better than your "Pee Our Test".
2nz - September 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Here's a lazy mailman
He is now upset
He lost his only job because we use the internet

Still excellent, Claude. A true snow or high winds contender.
Johnny D - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM AUG) See above!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A toast to the host who can roast those lost posts! 5s
Agrimorfee - September 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(aug o4 aotm) Pretty friggin' funny, Claude!
Arwen - September 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--Nice work, Claude...5s...
Rick D - September 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Postal Employees have played a large role in my life. (My best friend, my mom, a few others.) And they tell me its true.
Ash - September 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) lol, quite tasty
Adagio - September 14, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM A very funny parody, Claude 5's
Phil Nelson - September 15, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow, this was hilarious! Lots of really funny lines in this one. Great parody. 5's
Spaff.com - September 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn, I'm TOTALLY slacking if I can let a C4P parody slide by for a month and a half. But I hope that doesn't make you too, um, disgruntled. You're not packing heat, are you? Are you?!

My fave verse was the trick-or-treating one. I also like the one you tossed in after the fact. Finally, [insert lame "special delivery" compliment here].
Phil Alexander - September 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Another one I can't believe I haven't commented on (on which I haven't commented?) - this one's really rather good... but would I really expect anything else?
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 22, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Among us here, I guess that Arwen is the only one who can count on always getting any mail she wants at any time... ;-)
Arwen - September 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Well...I DO get whatever I want...whenever I want it...so...draw your own conclusions, K1...; )
Peregrin - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Claude, I can honestly say I haven't laughed so much at a parody in a long time. This is my winner for August.
Meriadoc - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Comments above.
Paul Robinson - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(AUG SOTM) Claude, LOL funny here - through the whole thing. 5's!
Claude Prez - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn I suck. Thanks to everyone who's commented that I've ignored completely for a great while; I do appreciate it.
AUGUST 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH SILVER MEDAL - 2 - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1748;image
Spaff.com - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
What Spaff said.
John Jenkins - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Actually, US postal service is not bad. But, I think the point of the parody, delivered with a lot of humor, is that if it were a private enterprise run like FedEx, it would be better. Very well done, Claude.
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Still very funny. Still like the first stanza the most.
Don The Mailman - April 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Getting to this "nine months late" like the rent check. As a letter carrier, I can only say "sad but true". There are two powerful groups in the Postal Service : the carrier union and the monolithic, nepotistic bureaucracy. They struggle daily to see who can sink the Post Office faster. At least my customers recognize *they* come first with me.
Claude Prez - April 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Don; you're exactly right.
chrisparis - February 05, 2011 - Report this comment
Abig hit at my buddy the mail carriers roast. Very funny and appropriate for the day

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