Scrungie, Scrungie, when will those split ends disappear?
Scrungie, Scrungie, pulls back your hair behind your ears.
With no hairbrush in your bags and no comb to undo snags,
You can’t wear that old bandana.

But Scrungie, Scrungie, you can’t say your hair has dried.
Scrungie, just got a perm, but your saloon overfried.
Scrungie, I’ll still buy you, you’ve been bought for my future bride.
Just like Kramer’s love for Pam, Seinfeld wasn’t gaga--damn.
Oh librarian of the year.

(whispered:)
Scrungie, Scrungie, when will they market my Manzier?

2 interludes of solo

Oh Scrungie, elastic band, all your tension still holds firm,
I love that torquened pony-tail,
But Scrungie, Scrungie, ain’t it time you lost that veil?

Short Solo

With no hairbrush in your bags and no comb to undo snags,
You can’t wear that old bandana.

But Scrungie, designer hairband,
On sale at Macy’s, with compromise.
I paid half cash, half Visa card,
Come on Pam, it keeps out flies.
But Scrungie, Scrungie, ain’t it good to realize?
Scrungie, Scrungie, no more messy hair surprise.