It looks
Like hair
To the guy
Who's wearin' it
But it just
Ain't fair
People stare
There's no bearin' it
The thing's ugly!
That guy's wearing a rug

That thing (that thing)
On his head (his head)
Looks like (a dead rodent)
A big dead rat
I guess (I guess)
That's why (yeah yeah)
He keeps gettin' clawed
By the neighbor's cat
The thing's ugly!
That guy's wearing a rug

Who is he fooling?
It doesn't even cover his head
The cat is drooling
The hairpiece he's wearin'
Is the ugliest that I've seen yet

Well I tried
Not to look
But I'm hooked
At the site of it
If a strong wind (ah-hum)
Comes along (ah-hum)
Does he have a chin strap on the side of it?
The thing's ugly! (Butt Ugly!)
That guy's wearing a rug

It looks
Like hair
To the guy
Who's wearing it
But it just
Ain't fair
People stare
There's no bearing it
That thing's ugly!
That guy's wearing a rug
That guy's wearing a rug
Maybe he's been taking some drugs
But that guy's wearing a rug

(repeat until fade out)