You don't take a shower
You don't put on speedstick

You hardly take a whiff anymore
When I come through the door at the end of the day

I remember when,
You practiced perfect hygiene
Used to wash your blue jeans
Now you've worn them forever and a day

I'm sorry, my dear,
I thought we'd do okay

You'll have them condemned
If you want me to stay
And you don't take a shower anymore
You used to smell so natural

I used to be so manly
But used-to-be's don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
Like my smelly old socks

And, baby, you disgust me
You disgrace to mankind

Don't throw me out, babe
Give me just one more chance

Don't you see you big sap
It's the end of romance
What you really need now
Is a kick in the pants
And you don't take a shower anymore