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Song Parodies -> "Cat-Filet"

Original Song Title:

"Cabaret"

Original Performer:

Liza Minelli

Parody Song Title:

"Cat-Filet"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

People in China traditionally raise & eat livestock of various kinds that appear unusual to Westerners, such as felines and canines. It's just part of the Chinese culinary tradition.....not my cup of tea, but apparently it's been China's cup of tea for about 5,000 years!
Want food that's sitting
Aloof in your room?
"Here kitty" 's what you say!

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Yum food, the cat-filet!

Put down your kitty,
With book or with broom -
Time for feline puree!

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Yum food, the cat-filet!

Come taste feline,
It's queer but grand!
Try Calico,
Start salivating!
Right this way,
Your Persian's waiting!

No use permitting
Some PETA-like goon
To make you eat leaves and hay

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Yum food, the cat-filet!

I used to have a Siamese
Known as Long Dong
With whom I shared
Four sordid rooms in Hong Kong

He wasn't what you'd call
A wimp or wussy
As a matter of fact
He was one potent pussy!

The day he died the neighbors
Came to luncheon
Well, that's what comes
From too much catnip munchin'

But when I saw him laid out like a king
He was the tastiest cat
In all Beijing

I think of Long Dong to this very day
I remember how he tasted so gourmet...

Want food that's sitting
Aloof in your room?
"Here kitty" 's what you say!

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Yum food, the cat-filet!

Put down your kitty,
With book or with broom -
Time for Siamese sauté!

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Yum food, the cat-filet!

And as for me,
I made my mind up, back in Hong Kong -
Fav'rite treat was eatin' my Long Dong!

Stir-fry some lions,
Then ladle cou-gars,
Leopards, tigers, and strays!

Knife into cat-filet, it's yum!
Bone-free hot cat-filet, it's yum!
And I love, a cat-filet!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

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User Comments

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Royce Miller - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
wow Johnny, you've served up quite a tasty treat here
Phil Alexander - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
And you took your dead cat all the way from Hong Kong to Beijing? But I did think that "No use permitting Some PETA-like goon To make you eat leaves and hay" was inspired :-)
Adagio - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
My stomach turns on that, but it was a good job.
Leo Jay - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff! I echo Phil's commendation on the PETA bit (although I've heard of PETA-bread, but not -leaves or -hay...). Too bad I don't know the middle section of this song -- I'll have to find a recording and give it a complete listen. Very funny overall! Well done! (...you realize, of course, that by that I mean I like my kitty served 'well done'...)
John Barry - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
5 forks, JD. What do you say we start a restaurant?
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Royce: Thanks, and compliments of the chef!

Philbo:
Long Dong was born a ramblin' cat
Tryin' to make a livin' jus' screwin' and gettin' fat
But when 'twas time for leavin', I put him in a hat
And took him to my Beijing flat!

Adagio: Thanks, Pat...hey, why are there "hot dogs" but not "hot cats"?

Leo Jay: Thanks...well-done fryin' lion is phat cat indeed.

John Barry: Thanks, but what would we call it? John & Johnny's Kitty-Kitchen/Cat-House/Pussy-Palace/Diner-Feliner ?
Ravyn Rant - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
What a bestial board we have today! First the horse song, now this! I had a cat once...tasted like chicken. :)
Kristof Robertson - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Good lord...I want you to stand in the corner, Mr D, until yiu can behave yourself! And take Barry with you! tsk tsk tsk...:-) 555
Adagio - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Good question, Johnny. Maybe they do/have used actual parts of dogs and now call them that. It's about your all's restauraunt. You, of course, realize that with that name it sounds like more of a whore house? lol
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Kristof! And thank you, too, Ravyn.

Adagio - maybe the name came from dachsunds, you know, people started calling tubular sausage-like meat snacks "dogs" because they resemble those little weiner-doggies? I'm not sure. Anyway, why shouldn't Madam's customers be able to enjoy a fortifying feast of felicitous feline flesh? Mwowrrrrr. ;-)
Joelle - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Positively nauseating.
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Joelle.
Rick D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
How come you're not getting the flack I did for Eatin' Rover?
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
My Chinese-culinary-tradition-disclaimer?
John Barry - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
RE: The name. How about the Pot au Fur?
Dmitri, Meriadoc's kitten - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Purrrsonally, I much purrrfurrred Alvin's "Wokin' the Dog"....
Stray Pooch - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, this is just one serious load of contradictions and conflictions. Let's see: You claim to be eating Long Dong but clearly you are eating pus . . . No, can't go there. Ok, how about the subtle homo/auto-erotic (not to mention acrobatic) line: "Fav'rite treat was eatin' my Long Dong." These things are of minor concern, but then I find out that *I* am on the menu in the penultimate stanza (though I guess it is really a Stray Cat). This is disturbing, Johnny, VERY disturbing! Add it to Rick's horse song and this site is gonna start showing up on a lot more searchs . . . :D 555 of course!
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
JB: Fur, hmm, I dunno...any other ideas?

Dmitri: Erica Kane has a little frisky for you at Wildwind....my thanks to your pet human Merry, too.

Stray Pooch: Thanks for the vote and comment, but you're taking too long over-analyzing things, your serving of p*ssy's gonna get cold, dude, and I don't think you want THAT to happen.

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