Diet Rite... lemonade... some black coffee... ambrosia... hot café au lait... yes, I was drinking through the night
Will it come out right?
Ow! My bladder girl...
I'm gonna spill my Earl Grey on you
If I'm not home soon
How can I make you understand -
The bathroom was farther than I'd planned
First I got into gear 'cause that Miller beer was cool and clear and better than before --
I drank... then drank some more
And the port and brew...
And the champagne cocktails, too
I drank enough for two...
So once I'm fin'lly home
I'll stand and release above the throne

Hurry, I can't wait!
Have to end our date
Cause all night I drank like a fish
I'll be standing at the bowl,
Pointing towards the hole,
And I'll be pissing

(Instrumental break)

Diet Rite... lemonade... some black coffee... ambrosia... hot café au lait... yes, I was drinking through the night
(Why'd it come out white?)
After my liquid meal
You can't imagine how I feel:
As bloated as a seal!
All the things I'm missing --
Standing for hours here just pissing

Hardly even ate --
I cut short the date
'Cause all night I drank like a fish
Now I'm standing at the bowl,
Pointing towards the hole,
And I'm still pissing...