RIDING MY SEGWAY TO 'HEAVEN'

"Get a scooter" I'm told
'Cause I'm brittle and old
So I'm riding this Segway: it's heaven

Though the stores are all closed
When I get there (it's slow!)
And I can't RE-call just what I came for

Oooooooh...woooh ooh ooh woooh
Guess I'll ride on to 7-Eleven

There's a light on the street
Is it red? is it green?
Hell, who cares...(Guess that's why I'm called "PSYCHO")

Grazed a tree by the brook
Then I fell in the drink
And I smashed that poor gecko from Geico

Ooooh, and it made me wonder...
Hmmmmm...Did he have insurance?

When I'm feeling like shit
Too tired to throw a fit
I just jump on my Segway and take off

As I cruise on my ride
Kids on trikes pass me by
And one smart ass yells "Gramps: take the brake off!"

Ohhhh...I start to smolder
Noooo....he won't get much older

Seg-way race coming soon
So I go get mine tuned
When they're done, this thing runs like a cruise ship

Now the riders all cheer
And thank God when we hear
That the winner of first place gets new hips

{ A little music as the whole nursing home lines up their Segways for the start of the race}

So now I hustle to the front row, just like in Nascar
I come out screaming for the race lead
When I see two paths where the road forks, I take the wrong one
And hit speed bumps with an evil skid
Just like Kinevel did...

My Segway's souped up but it won't fly
A fact I should know
I land like dummies in a test gig
Dear Jesus can you hear my legs break?
This I DO know:
My Segway flies like the Hindenburg did!

Launched from that speed bump in the road
The motor revs up and explodes
The world is suddenly aglow
I see white light don't want to go
I find these streets aren't made of gold
No pearly gates of old ST PETE
Would someone please turn down the heat?
When all is said and all is done
This afterlife just ain't much fun

And I'm finding the segue...ain't heaven!