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Song Parodies -> "The Cattle Of Roger Moore"

Original Song Title:

"The Battle Of Evermore"

Original Performer:

Led Zeppelin

Parody Song Title:

"The Cattle Of Roger Moore"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

This story is fiction. As far as I know, Sir Roger Moore has never fornicated with any young cows.

Pork sword = should be obvious even if you’ve never heard of it (same meaning as mutton dagger & beef bayonet)
Roger (UK slang) = fornicate (a male does the rogering & a female gets rogered)
Snags (Aussie slang) = sausages

Sir Roger Moore raised a brow for he had heard the low
They’re one year old an’ now in bloom; ‘The Saint’ has quite a bone

(Oh, young ‘uns are nice an’ tight; bonk until dawn, he might)

His pork sword rides in calves tonight: he’s in the cattle stall

(Oh, loves all his cows an’ so wanted to jump their bones)

Side by side; with eight in sight; what a lark to have them all!

I hear, “This one’s a wonder”; boon, for the heifer’s aglow
He’s matin’ in a large kind of openin’; matin’ with the beast on show

No dabble if the cow is old: he thinks that calves are best
He’s dressed one in frilled underwear; today, he won’t forget…no…no

(Oh, panties are his delight; schwing if they’re nice an’ tight)

His face, a frown: his cow is slack; too fast a pace: she’s dead

(Oh, Roger will never cry; hopin’ the next won’t die)

The cow, he killed; he could be mad; he still has seven though

Oh well, the next to prong; his seed’s for those which low
Tired out: on the floor, lies; waitin’, for it sapped his flow

His todger’s sore: cannot proceed with game of ‘shaft a calf’
His cries will wake the cattle stall but once his ride is back…ride on…ride on

(Oh, Roger can’t raise a wood: can’t roger any more)

His boner’s gone: the ‘limp one’ plight, for Roger’s now so old

(Oh, needin’ some help tonight: animal porno site!)

He’s now at home an’ caught online; the wife gives him some flak… and a smack

Now past the urge for shaftin’; the dead one’s rump he’ll fry
Remains will be kept in the freezer as meatballs, snags an’ pies

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Patrick - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Quite a harvest today. Looks like four-nication so far, and I haven't reviewed everyone just yet.
John Barry - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
title o' the day.
Michael Pacholek - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Shame on you, Double-O-Seven!
Callmelennie - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Did this one come from the album "Houses of the Unholy?"
Meriadoc - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Holy Steakroll Andy! But - just think - had you chosen an OS perhaps a bit more long winded - maybe TWOTEF, Roger may have found the stamina to do all eight!

Favorite line was the one where Roger couldn't roger any more... "shaft a calf" was excellent too!

Can't make something like this up - the security code:

Boned. James Boned - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Telling us that "pork sword" has "same meaning as mutton dagger & beef bayonet" doesn't help if we've never heard of the latter two, either. ;-D
Alternate title: "On, When The Saint Goes Marching In" (Arching? Lurching?).

I hear the birds snitched on him to the coppers: "Quoth the raven, "Roger Moore". 555, but I may never eat at McDonald's again -- certainly not in the UK. ;)
TT @ Meriadoc - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Funny you should mention TWOTEF. Tune in tomorrow, and how much do I owe you for the advance publicity?
Peregrin - October 05, 2012 - Report this comment
"animal porno site" - heh heh. I always knew Roger Moore was no Saint. This prEWEves it.
Andy Primus - October 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks to all for the votes & comments.

Meriadoc - "couldn't roger any more" was my fave too.

TT - I figured that reading all 3 together would make it obvious without having to actually spell it out.
Surprised you'd eat there in the first place - it's crap.
TT - October 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Of course it was obvious from context! Just a subtle way of mentioning, per our ongoing emails, that all three are not heard in US. Cheers.
TT Re: Patrick's TWOTEF - October 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Re comment there: An example of using the elliipses or dashes for stretched-out words:
Andy P - October 07, 2012 - Report this comment
TT - comment left at above page

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