[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK. THE STAGE IS DARK ]



NARRATOR
Under the strain of their failing relationship, and after reading about Jennifer managing to find true happiness, Brad turns to the bottle. Angelina, still fuming that Brad wouldn't let her drive the jeep, is furious. She hides the jeep-keys.

BRAD
Ange? Oh, Ange? (hic) I'm all out of Bourbon, shweetheart. Where are the jeep-keysh, darl?

ANGELINA
I dunno

BRAD
Whaddaya mean you dunno? (hic) You've hidden them, haven't you?

ANGELINA
I dunno

BRAD
Why, I oughta.Of all the petty, conniving, childish.

ANGELINA
(wailing)
You should be THANKING me Brad!!.I'm just trying to saving your drunken, queasy, deranged skin


[ A BLUE SPOT FADES UP, HIGHLIGHTING BRAD STANDING ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EMPTY STAGE. ]


"Don't Hide The Keys, Angelina"
Parody by Matthias

I'm not that queasy
I'm not deranged
So I'll try to explain how I feel
That I still miss a buzz, after all that I've drunk
I must retrieve keys
All that you see is a fool who's on booze
Although he's confessed that he's fine
From six shots, and seven mug brews

No accidents will happen
My mind's not phased
Wouldn't sway all this time at the wheel
Looking out of the window
Seeing double the fun
So, my keys, free "em!
Chugging a round, and yet there's no spew
Cause nothing, distressed brain at all
My liver's infected it's true

Don't hide the keys, Angelina
The truth is I'm used to this booze
All through my college days
I grew resistance
I kept their premise
Weren't out of distance

And for my fortune
Went down the drain
It's liquor that went down these lips
Though it seems to the world I'm all they desire
Its just delusions
My films are pollutions like scientology
The answer was beer questioned, "Why?"
I've drunk brew, but give them to me

Don't hide the keys, Angelina

(Drunken Humming)

Don't hide my keys, Angelina
The truth is I need to leave you
Quite soon's another craze
Of film existence
Kept beer in thermos
Won't know the difference

Have I had too much?
Just hand them, whore, I am fed up
Away with you

Now, why the hell did you
Take them from me?
And now I flip the bird
A
Dieu

(Crescendo of drunken guys playing music)

Don't hide the keys, Angelina!!!!