[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK. THE STAGE IS DARK ]



NARRATOR
The tension between Brad and Angelina finally spills over into the bedroom, where Angelina tries to control Brad as well.

BRAD
But Ange, can't we just have wild sex romps, like we used to – like all the magazines write about?

ANGELINA
WELL, BRAD! I suppose if you could LAST a little LONGER, then MAYBE!! You know, Billy Bob used to go ALLLLL night.

BRAD
WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT BILLY BOB?? I can last that long – it's just that, well, sometimes you're too much woman for me, Ange

ANGELINA
Yeah, why does everyone keep saying that? – alright, I'll time you. Come inside and see how long before you come inside



[ A BLUE SPOT FADES UP, HIGHLIGHTING A SINGLE BED IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EMPTY STAGE. BRAD PITT IS UNDER THE SHEETS FACING DOWN, RAISED ON HIS ELBOWS. HE TURNS AND ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE ]



"Don't Time 'It' Please, Angelina!"
Parody by Red Ant

BRAD
I try to please her
In ev'ry way
Things I try - night and day - how I fail
But she still wants my love,
After all - I'm her hub
You won't believe me,
But a bad scene,
Has unfurled in our room,
Although she's hot stuff,
Ev'ry night,
I manage just minutes of 'mood'!...

But still I make 'it' happen
I'm man, okay!
Some may say - that my wife - is ideal
Looking at loving mountains
Standing out - blockin' sun
They're the Grand Teat-tons!
Why am I 'down'?, here's the terrible truth:
Seems that her Rolex tells it all:
I'm spent in just seconds - I'm through!...

Don't time 'it' please ANGELINA!
The news is not ever good news!
This isn't childs' play
Don't need assistance
I'll keep my promise
And go the distance!

But my misfortune
In adult games
They never, said never do end
'cause it seems with this girl,
Who is all I desire
She leaves me sweating
Mere thought - of just petting,
Exciting to me
I'm popping my cork,
(not the wine's)
In 1, 2, can't make it to 3!...

Don't time 'it' please - ANGELINA!

[interlude]

Don't time 'it' please ANGELINA!
The news is not ever good news!
But with the wild lays
I need assistance
I blew my promise
I'm short on distance!

But in bed I suck?
A plodding bore who likes quick love?!:
Touche - to you!

I also know your truth,
How easily you blow
When I go Raid -
-Your
-Tomb!