[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK. THE STAGE IS DARK ]


NARRATOR
Angelina is so grateful that she moves in with Brad. For a while it is a blissful union. Soon however the lovers tiffs become more regular.

BRAD
Angelina! I can't believe you DID that!

ANGELINA
Oh, don't get the sillys, Achilles. It's MY money.
A wild girl needs to buy wild music.

BRAD
Yes, but Billy Ray Cyrus? and Barry Manilow?


[ A BLUE SPOT FADES UP, HIGHLIGHTING A SINGLE CHAIR IN THE MIDDLEOF AN EMPTY STAGE. BRAD PITT IS SITTING ON THE CHAIR WAVING CDS IN THE AIR]


"Don't Buy CDs, Angelina"
Parody by Cat

BRAD
See, it's not easy
But I must state...
Your taste in tunes has room to improve
Don't come home from Best Buy with Barry Manilow
Maddox is crying
The boom box screams out the voice of Ms. Boone
You think there's a connection there?
At least Jen liked some decent stuff!

A hatchet to the speakers
I have to take...
Couldn't listen to Creed anymore
Look, you're extremely gorgeous, but it's gone way too far
I wear foam earplugs
But I still hear The Car-pen-ters and Bread
Post-Oscar track record ain't worse
Than all of your musical picks

Don't buy CDs, Angelina...
Who knew you liked Ce-line Dion?
All this bad music
It's like a virus
From Billy Bob to
Billy Ray Cyrus

Yes, we have fortune
And lots of fame
So, our tastes should be excellent!
The tabloids would scream if they knew you loved Britney
I'm setting limits
I'm banning all adult contemporary
My brain just can't take any more
I love you, will you appease me?

Don't buy CDs, Angelina...
What did I do to deserve this?
Stop the Limp Bizkit
It puts me in shock
(I'll re-ward you with
A MUCH bigger rock)

Have I made my point?
If you don't stop, your stereo I will deface
It's true, you are better seen and not heard
Silence is golden in
this
case

Oh, spare us, PLEASE, Angelina!