Coors and Bud and Miller too
The foamy head, the golden brew
That friendly buzz it brings to you
I looked at beer that way.
But now it's just a drinking rut
And each glass goes right to my gut
I stagger home, fall on my butt
With headaches the next day
I've looked at beer from both sides now
On tap, in can, and still somehow
It's beer's illusions I recall
I really don't know beer... at all!

Pour a shot and down it twice
I'll drink it straight or over ice
The crazy rush that feels so nice
I looked at booze that way
But now it tastes like rotten slop
And when I start I cannot stop
And then it's home to dodge the cop
Who's there in my driveway
I've looked at booze from both sides now
Through bleary eyes and still somehow
It's booze illusions I recall
I really don't know booze...at all.

It's the stuff that helps me sing
A pepperminty kind of thing
I feel just like a kid in spring
I looked at schnapps that way
But now this stuff here in my glass
It jumps right put and kicks my a**
So please, excuse me if I pass
'Cause when I drink I pay
I've looked at schnapps from both sides now
It's 60 proof but still somehow
It's schnapps illusions I recall
I really don't know schnapps... at all!