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Song Parodies -> "Grappling With Rapelling: Dope On A Rope"

Original Song Title:

"All I Want"

Original Performer:

Joni Mitchell

Parody Song Title:

"Grappling With Rapelling: Dope On A Rope"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Actually, I've never tried - or even considered trying rapelling, or anything even remotely resembling mountain climbing.

I am climbing up this rock, yes I am rapelling
rapelling, rapelling, rapelling
Hooking my ropes to regulate my speed
Well, you say it's dumb, maybe it's dumb
OK, it's dumb
I just looked down - it's several hundred feet
I've gotta hold on tight, or I'll be in flight
That would surely bite; I would be smushed
Stay calm, relax; and you'll soon have the knack
What is the first symptom of a heart attack?
I can't speak, pulse is weak, shaking knees
sweaty hands, baby
Think I'm gonna wet my pants
Now it seems like I'm frozen in a trance now, baby,
Yeah, COME ON!

Now I'm reeling, dizzy, and my glove's soaked through
And my mind is a mess; it's all screwed up too, dude
Hear me whining, pleading; making much ado
The result of this quest for zest think I'll soon rue
I hang on this rope, now; I feel like a dope, now
Without a real clue 'bout what I was doing
Guffaws, guffaws, I hear "hee-haws"
Everyone will be "dissing"
"No spine, that wuss;
what a geek, gutless freak, really meek"
Feeling like I'm a nerd, lately
I feel so screwed
This is all so uncool

Tried climbing up that rock, yes, I tried rapelling
Wasn't hard to see was not for me
Was embarrassed there and with this now I'm grappling
It's not a happy thing
Was not fun to have all the guys there see me
I paid for that climb, was I out of my mind?
With my fear of heights should have plainly seen
I hate feeling like I'm a moron
Will I always feel this forlorn ?
Growing tired of all the scorn
I need that crap to cease
For that crap now to cease
I really need some relief

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Rick D - September 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Wonderful. I can also play this one on the dulcimer. (One of four songs on "Blue" performed on it, the only album Joni used it on) I don't believe anyone else has tried to parody this. We should have met in Laurel Canyon thirty years ago.
Johnny D - September 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Intense. I climbed & hiked The Chimney & The Knife Edge on Maine's Mount Katahdin once. That was sufficient. I've hiked to the summit of Mount Katahdin on numerous other occasions by way of easier - and safer - trails.
John Barry - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
The title alone gets 5s from me.
Paul Robinson - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick D - Thanks! I've always liked this album. I still have the vinyl copy (but my turntable has a bad channel), but I do have six of the songs on a cassett tape, including this one and "A Case Of You" and a few more. Might try doing some of those too, the ones I did were kind of fun and challenging. Johnny D - Braver man than I, for sure. JB - Thanks, I "grappled" with what to call this then that came to mind and I went back and changed the parody lyrics to include "grappling", which I think made the whole thing better, as well.
MrMacphisto - September 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul Robinson - September 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Macphisto...

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