He was sitting in the lounge of the Empire Hotel
He was drinking for diversion, he was thinking for himself
A little money riding on the Maple Leafs
Along comes a lady in lacy sleeves

[polka music starts playing]
She says let me sit down
You know, drinkin' alone's a shame (It's a shame it's a crying shame)
Look at those jokers glued to that... hockey game! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey honey, you've got lots of cash
Bring us round a bottle, and we'll have some laughs
Gin's what I'm drinking, I was raised on robbery... hey!

I'm a pretty good cook, I'm sitting on my groceries
Come up to my kitchen, I'll show you my best recipe
I try and I try but I can't save a cent, I'm up after midnight cooking, trying to make my rent
I'm rough but I'm pleasin', I was raised on robbery... hey hey hey!

[can can music interlude]

We had a little money once, they were pushing through a four lane highway
Government gave us three thousand dollars, you should have seen it fly away
First he bought a '57 Biscayne, he put it in the ditch
He drunk up all the rest, that son of a [gunshot]
His blood's bad whiskey, I was raised on robbery

You know you ain't bad looking, I like the way you hold your drinks
Come home with me honey, I ain't asking for no full length mink
Hey, where you going? Don't go yet!
Your glass ain't empty and we just met
You're mean when your loaded, I was raised on robbery

I was raised... on.... robbbbbberrrrrryyy! (raised on robbery, raised on robbery, raised on robbery)
[accordion solo doing "shave and a haircut" (a "glass breaking sound" is heard before the last two notes of shave and a haircut), then drum solo]
Hey!
[outro with polka music]