I'm cleaning toilets to get my check
My hair is messy, my face is a wreck
My Ford Festiva is falling apart
But it runs better than my Dodge Dart
They call me a bum I guess I can't argue
Just hear my story and you will agree too
Life has kicked my ass so far

My wife has left me for the mailman
My son's a racist, he's joined the clan
My daughter hates me because I'm poor
She's got a job as the trailor park whore
Can't get a woman to sleep with me
Cuz they don't like sharing beds with the fleas
So I got me some porno, my labido gets calm
And I get down with my date, Rosie Palm
They say I'm worthless, I suppose that it's true
Everybody says I'm screwed (He's screwed)
I might complain, but I know you would too
Life has kicked my ass so far

I'm at the bus stop begging for coins
Some little kid kicked me in the groin
It's hard to win when you only can lose
I'll drown my troubles in a jug of booze
My teeth all fell out and I got bad VD
Everybody says Oh Damn! (Oh Damn!)
I bet you'd hate it if you had to be me
Life has kicked my ass so far