Well the district of the Rhine-Ruhr
Is diverse with tall and short
And should you visit there
You’ll wanna be prepared
For a dwarf named Mighty Mort

Now Mortie’s rather scrappy
You see he stands ‘bout two foot four
All the Altstadt ladies call him kneecap lover
All the mens just call him squirt

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort
The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf
Shorter than a young Dauchhound
And quicker than a prarie dog

Now Mortie he’s a drinker
And he likes his Altbier cool
And he likes to pick a pocket clean
In back of drunken people’s stools
He’s got his tiny lederhosen
He’s got his green felt hat on fine
He got a 1mil. Luger for a pocket shooter
He got a thimble for a stein

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort
The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf
Shorter than a young Dauchhound
And quicker than a prarie dog


Well Friday 'bout a week ago
Mortie’s sucking suds
And on the ledge of the bar
Leaned a chap named Otis
Who wore some fancy duds
Well he snuck up right behind him
But a scuffle soon enued
And Mighty Mort got a whoopin
For touchin’ the ass of an English dude

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort
The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf
Shorter than a young Dauchhound
And quicker than a prarie dog

Well the whole bar started laughin’
And when they pulled the two apart
Mortie looked like a wienerschnitzel
In a bowl full of sauerkraut