I don't know how I got here
What'd I do? How'd I choose her?
I'm deranged, yes, feeling strange
And I'm dashed and dazed, and I need some help
To see where now I dwell

I don't know where my clothes are
Was I seized? Was I boozing?
Need a plan, must understand
And I have this sense of dread and shame
A scary mental haze...
Don't know her name

Should I bring her to?
Should I steam and pout?
Should I sneak and bluff?
Cop a feel and shout?

I never thought I'd come to rest
On some trollop's couch

What if she's coyote ugly?
Here I am with indecision
My left arm, beneath her neck
So numb, so blue, the urge to chew
Drumming through my core...
She starts to snore

[Instrumental]
A fearful thought occurs to me
What if she's a he?

Yes, swiftly dread engulfs me
Such a loss, such a crisis
No time to mope, all out of hope
I turn my head, must gnaw away
No matter what the harm...
There's the alarm
I've bought the farm
I'm so dis-armed