Just late last September I graduated from Yale,
I majored mostly in psychiatry.
Spent most of December, tightly locked up in jail,
Because of theft and chronic forgery.

I’ve screened liars and I’ve screened brains,
I’m an analyst for the mentally insane.
I’ve screened homely girls who were once dancers in Spain,
But I always thought that they’d notice my, Rogaine.

Won’t you book another brief appointment
You’ve got to help me pay my bills.
I’ve already paid mine to society.
Your heads are achin’ and your words give me chills,
Your mental wellness is priority.

Oh, I’ve screened liars and I’ve screened brains,
I’m an analyst for the mentally insane.
I’ve screened homely girls who were once dancers in Spain,
But I always thought that they’d notice my, Rogaine.

Been chalking my line to a hop scotch time, when I jumped rope for fun,
Lord knows when the toilet flows it’ll cause goldfish to drown.
My thoughts are deep but not as deep as my tub,
Skin creams and crying routines and feces on the ground.

Oh, I’ve screened liars and I’ve screened brains,
I’m an analyst for the mentally insane.
I’ve screened homely girls who were once dancers in Spain,
But I always thought that they’d notice my, Rogaine.

Thought they’d notice my Rogaine, again.
There’s just a few hairs growing my way this time around.
Thought they’d notice, thought they’d notice liars and brains.