Allo!

Well, the weather’s gettin’ cold for the boys and girls.
He’ll be flyin’ and plyin’ all over God’s world.
You don’t remember when you got your last gift,
And you forgot just how he gets enough lift.

You didn’t know who Santa Claus was,
Until ya found that red suit on a Greyhound bus.
He grew fat without any laughs,[1]
And he looks like he’s had a lotta half and halfs.[2]

Well, it’s the middle of the night in those starry skies,
And he’s got cookies, but he wants some fries.
That Rudolph kid, he helps to guide his sleigh,
The breakin’ of the day tells him “hurry on your way!”

You didn’t know how Santa Claus looked,
Until they caught your mother with some guy with a beard.
Halfway under that ol’ mistletoe,
By that look in her eyes, she needed lots of cookie dough.

[x3:]
Ho, ho, ho,
He’s once Santa, twice Claus, babe.

[drum solo]

Santa’s in a rush, gonna outlive us all,
Let’s turn down the drums, the bass and the Les Paul.
You better sleep, he’ll know when you’re awake,
My friend Tommy[3] said “Be good for goodness’ sake!”

You didn’t know how Santa Claus worked,
Until your parents told you, and they evilly smirked.
You better watch out and ya better not cry,
You better not pout, I’m tellin’ ya why.

[x3:]
Ho, ho, ho,
He’s once Santa, twice Claus, babe.

[guitar solo]

I didn’t know ya did that Santa Claus disco,
Until I saw the “Salsoul Jollies”[4] on that jacket.
Sammy said “there’s only one way to rock”,
And look at ya now, you’re the first on the block.

Ho, ho, ho,
He’s once Santa, twice Claus, babe.

[repeat until fade]