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Song Parodies -> "The Sex Of Edmund Fits Gerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Sex Of Edmund Fits Gerald"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

The legend lives on through the grapevine on down
'Bout the saga of Edmund and Gerald
At the time it was told, typed in black letters bold
On a page of the Omaha Herald

Gerald Fox, was a guard, where you had to be hard
At a maximum security prison
Edmund Jones faced his hell in a solitaire cell
Murder one, up for life, court's decision

In the year, "Thirty Four," penal conditions were poor
At Nebraska's grey house of correction
Had no conjugals then, and though men were still men
They would strive to seek out male affection

One night as Guard Fox was rechecking locks
Convict Jones smiled and started conversing
He said, "Hi there, Gerald..You're handsome as hell."
Briskly, Fox walked away, sharply cursing

But, as hourglass sand falls and piles up around
Fate can cause the unlikely to happen
A bond with gay tones, grew between Fox and Jones
And they soon shared a bunk, with no nappin'

Meets were discreet, on guard Gerald Fox's beat
At the rear of Jones cell, quite secluded
If others were near, they'd whisper close ear
And detection was always eluded

Hot to trot and date, Oft times they'd meet late,
Brief encounters, expressed with high passion
Fun in underwear would keep Fox unaware
Of a plan to escape, Jones was hatchin'

Yes, Old Ed had a plan, quite well calculated and,
It required that he be real patient
So, like ice, he was cool, good behaviour the rule
All except for their twosome relations

Then, soon came a night when the time was just right
Most prisoners at church service, Sunday
Fox sneaked in the cell, Jones performed very well
Cause' he knew he'd be gone sun up, Monday

They sucked reefer puffs. Edmund said,"wear your cuffs,
The binding makes passion grow bigger.."
Reluctant, at first, but resistance dispersed
When Jones added, "I'll be Roy...and you're Trigger.."

By his toilet hole, Jones grabbed a soft roll
Shoved it in Gerald's mouth hard, the whole thing
With eyes all bugged out, Fox strains, but no shout
Edmund walked from the cell in guards clothing

At shift changing time, he clocked out a chime
Strolled down to employee car parking
And as security, handed him the car key
He saw spot four, section eight, on the marking

After six months of free, Jones was bored stiff and he
Had enough whiskey, women, and kissing
He got in bar fights and spent long sleepless nights
So, it seemed to him something was missing

Then, he cracked a slow grin, went and turned himself in
As he was shackled and led, double barreled
He said, "I tried all the rest, now, I know when it's best..
It's when The Sex of Edmund Fits Gerald.."

The legend lives on, from that cell, though they're gone
Prisoner's swear that they've heard "Gotcha!..do me!"
Ghostly spirits, they've said, are of old Gerald and Ed
When two males and their members get girly

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
 1
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 5   16
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User Comments

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Johnny D - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
ARRGH MATEY! 555
John Barry - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
A prod-igious effort about the penile system. 5s
Agrimorfee - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
WOWSERS! Brokeback Prison!...Seriously, a perfect parody with a heartwarming (?) story (NTTIAWWT, :) )555
AFW - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Johnny D, John B, and thanks, Agrimorfee....but, instead of heartwarming, perhaps, you meant, partwarming?
alvin rhodes - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
wondrous wordplay..especialy liked the roy and trigger line
Tommy Turtle - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
A long, intricate OS, well worthy of parody; equally long, well-structured, LOL parody, highly creative in adherence and substitution. Ten, with time off for good behavior, so Five.

P. S. Dude, you have GOT to read amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles457.shtml and amiright.com/parody/misc/mariasoundofmusic0.shtml, or at least have a chat with Phil A. Apostrophizing the plural, "Prisoners", in this magnum opus is like putting a zit on the Mona Lisa.
AFW - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin...........and thanks, Tommy...yeah, I caught the keyboard-o on "prisoners" too late..after I'd already submitted..
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
And so the general plot line of "Prison Break " season 2 is revealed...
TT - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Yes, happens to all of us... probably why CG doesn't allow corrections - it would take up his entire life and disk space.
This is so good that it needs to be printed out and saved for multiple re-readings to savor fully, and it shall be. If it were any less, it wouldn't be worth mentioning one other nit short of perfection: Some parody titles don't correspond to the OS title at all, but this one is so close, except that it is one syllable short of the OS, for the word "the" (Wreck of The Edmund/Sex of ... Edmund). Perhaps "The Sex of Poor Edmund...." I'm sure you can do better than this first thought of mine.

The Mona Lisa with a zit would still be a masterpiece, and this is still SOTM or I'll eat my shell.
BTW, can you whip out stuff like this in five minutes, or do you not have a real job? (That's a compliment -- us mere mortals/turtles would take days or weeks to do something on this scale) ;)
PMS - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM! For sure. Too many great lines to mention
AFW - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tommy..appreciate your comments...definitely not five minutes...juggling ideas for a few days...off and on, coming back to it..and then some hours are put in...sometimes you sleep on it...and sometimes you sleep with it...You write top shelf stuff..I'm sure you follow similar routines...I'm retired, except for some home appliance work......................................And thanks, PMS, appreciate your nice comment...............oh, and almost forgot...thanks, also, K1chyd
Rick C - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent storytelling here! 555 Plus
Michael Pacholek - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, it wouldn't be a "Wreck" parody if I didn't at least comment, now, would it? I give you a five with no remorse, and anybody who doesn't spends a night in the box! The one flaw is that Edmund's last name should've been Shaw, so you could've used the line, "and he got from Shaw's Shank some redemption!" Other than that, the right way was the Rahway, as we say here in New Jersey. Yes, I know the prison is actually in next-door Woodbridge, but that's a whole other double entendre.
AFW - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rick C. and thanks, Michael...good idea and good line
TT - February 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(the're tickling each other): Gitche, Gitche Gumee!

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