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Song Parodies -> "Wreck Of A Child Molester"

Original Song Title:

"Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Wreck Of A Child Molester"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

I just finished reading ALL THAT GLITTERS; THE CRIME AND THE COVER-UP...about the child molestation case against Whacko Jacko in 1993. It was written by the victim's uncle, and much of the relevant proof of guilt can be found on the website www.allthatglittersbook.com. Vitiligo, the skin disease he has, comes into play here when Whacko was forced to agree to a strip search so the Sheriff could take pictures of his genitals, which the victim identified. Whacko , in his Diane Sawyer interview two years later, lied visciously and denied many things that had already been proved to HIS own lawyers satisfaction, which is why they forked over 23 million dollars.
The Legend crashed down from his Neverland high ground
When they found out about his young roomies
The King, it was said, liked to give the boy head
"Every time I'd sleep over, he'd do me"

With a sequined white glove and a summer of boy love
The queen pervert molester was girly
The young kid, it's true, had a bone the King chewed
And when pressed to remember, came early

The King grew up jive with the old Jackson five
Though they never played much in Wisconsin
As big willies go his was odder than most
Vitiligo had colored his Johnson

Concluding the terms with old victim's law firms
He was horny and lookin' for children
And later that night, with the sheets pulled tight
Would it be the King's mouth he'd be feelin'?

The kid in the bed made some little boy sounds
When a hand snuck onto his penis
Soon the kid's shrink knew, and the Sherriff did too
'Bout 'the twitch of his member between us'

The cops came late and the press they had to wait
'Fore the bulbs of their cameras were flashin'
The late papers came, the headlines were plain
The career of the King of Pop crashin'

The civil suit came and Whacko came out lame, sayin'
"Fellas, I'd never hurt children"
But evidence made his main lawyers cave in, he said
"Jordie, here's twenty three million"

LaToya wired in, she had seen him sin again
And he lost all his cor-prit investors
He cratered that night with his image just a blight
Was the wreck of the pervert molester

Does any one know where his other glove goes
And now should we all be guarding ours?
The lawyers all say they'd have made quite more pay
But the gag order stripped them of power

The cash they split up, it was still a nice size
Got all that they had requested
The fact still remains that they raced to find the names
Of the other young boy's he'd molested

Wine beer and drugs, and Singapore Slings
In the rooms of his Neverland Mansion
Old moon-walkin' queen haunts a young boy's dreams
The only men worse are the corpsemen

There's nothing below child fellatio
Queen Michael's confused about gender
But when prison gates close, all the pedophiles should know
That the sex they'll remember ain't tender

In a nasty old cell in Alcatraz they prayed
For some marry-time jailin sequester
Jail's full of fools and they all pretty much drooled
For each man wants to nail the molester

Molestin' lived on in the Neverland Ranch bed
In the night time he plays 'give-it-to-me'
A pedophile they say, stops on his dyin' day
Which I hope that in his case comes early

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   19
 17
 18
 

User Comments

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Johnny D - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Dee. I give you 5's for coming up with the same Wisconsin/Johnson rhyme that I stumbled upon for "The Erection Of Edmund Fitzgerald", and for wonderful lines like ---
"Does any one know where his other glove goes
And now should we all be guarding ours?
Paul Robinson - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, if you are going to do this song you had better do it well, what with all the excellent parodies that have been done to "Wreck"...and you did just that, Sir....5-5-5...
Dee Range - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
J.D., thanks so much for the kind comments
alvin rhodes - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
you've outdone yourself, dee....this is a masterpiece...the rhymes are brilliant...and its funnier than hell.....i'd give you more than fives if i could....bravo !
Dee Range - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul and Alvin, man many thanks for the comments and votes. Much appreciated
John Barry - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent work, Dee. I'd give you a 6 for this: "Does any one know where his other glove goes."
Dee Range - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
John, thanks so much
Michael Pacholek - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Although the premise has been explored before with this song, in "Molested by Father Fitzgerald," this was pretty good. Some of these lines are so close, and yet different, it looks like a Guy DiRito parody. (Yes, that was a compliment to both of you.) Best line: In place of "The islands and bays are for sportsmen," it's "The only men worse are the corpsemen!"
Dee Range - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, thanks. I need to search for Guy's parody and read it I like his stuff a lot
Claude Prez - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Pretty icky subject matter; I liked it better when I was ignorant to the details. But still well-written and along with the glove line "there's nothing below child fellatio" struck me funny and oh so true. Overall a little flawed rhyme-wise but still easily worth fives.
Dee Range - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Claude. many thanks
Stuart McArthur - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
that's fantastic, and powerful..... my favourite line also was "does anyone know where his other glove goes" - sublime
Dee Range - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart, thanks for looking. Much appreciated
Big Mark - October 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Looking over the words of this parody and the original, you know so much about it you knew precisely where to put some phrases. Bone, fellas, "does anyone know", precisely where they are in the original. Triple 5 for your effort on what is a difficult song to parody (due to its length) but also one of my favorites.
Dee Range - October 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Big Mark, thanks very much for the kind comments
Spaff.com - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Painfully, wincingly funny.

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