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Song Parodies -> "Molested by Father Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Molested by Father Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Laurence Dunne

The Lyrics

OK, OK, I wasn't molested by a catholic priest, but I know of some people who were and it's a terrible terrible thing. I hope this tale of a boy who escaped the abuse will inspire someone :-)Also parodied in here is the habit we had as kids of selling 'sins' for people who couldn't think of any before entering the confessional. After all, the priest didn't believe you if you said you had no sins to confess.I know I abuse this song to death but it really is perfect for story-parodies....
The legend lives on from my village on down
of the day the priest tried to molest me
"Your duty" says he "is to satisfy me"
and with that the perv tried to undress me
The tale I'll relate and the way I escaped
Throughout the whole land are quite famous
The man in the frock is to shepherd the flock
and not focus his eyes on my anus

We got a new priest cause the 'auld was deceased
His name: Father Edmund Fitzgerald
This wild eyed old queer he was held very dear
From the hour his arrival was herald'
Well I was took in by this man's cloth and sin
soon an altar boys cloak I was wearing
then two glory be's and a hail mary spree
and no more would I ever be swearing

An altar boy's life sees confessional strife
so we'd offer ten sins for a fiver
If you had no sin to confess in the bin
for a few bucks we'd make you a liar
"you stole your friends mouse", that line is on the house
but an alibi costs you a Jackson
If the Father believed and he acted deceived
then you paid us, and please do come back soon

Well Edmund caught on, but he didn't let on
and he found out I was the ringleader
Because dumb John McGinn, well I sold him a sin
of a favor he'd been the receiver
Well Dumb MgGinn squealed and my name he revealed
and he got off with just a 'Hail Mary'
I asked how how he found out, and he gave me a clout
he said "Dumb John McGinn is a fairy"

"The Lord God" said he, "would indeed forgive me
If I did the Father a favor"
So he turned me around and then I heard the sound
of a black frock thrown over our saviour
"Your duty" says he "is to satisfy me"
as he pushed my white frock to my shoulder
It took all my guts to kick him in the nuts
and now therapy waits when i'm older

So fast did I run, I knocked over a nun
in the courtyard outside the church entrance
she fell to the ground and she screamed out aloud
she profaned me then asked God for penance
then father ran out with his thing hanging out
and her holiness screamed all the more so
so loud did she shout that there soon came on out
the old girls from the town hall and bingo

the father ran in before they all saw him
the nun told what she saw, none believed her
But old PC Pete, on his beat down the street
heard the screaming and rushed up to see her
He 'whats all thissed' twice and then he made all nice
then he ran round the side of the courtyard
The priest heard him come, he the other way run
But the girls cut him off at the graveyard

They all dropped their Jaw, and were dumbstruck with awe
when they saw Edmund's holy of holies
their anger in hand, they knocked him in the sand
and they beat him with handbags and brollies
In the musty old church, a new priest in the lurch
a funeral his first day would herald
the church bell chimed, it rang twenty nine times
for each bag that killed Edmund Fitzgerald

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
WOW. i love it when someone takes a potentially distasteful topic and makes it something worth reading. What a great effort in pacing and story. 555, and you are absolved of all sins.
2nz - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Gonna echo what Agri said here. Excellent job
Laurence Dunne - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks both :-)
Johnny D - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Yikes.....scary and gross but well-written.
Meriadoc - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Very well written and very very funny!
Jack Wilson - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job, Laurence!
alvin rhodes - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
very good.....laughed my ass off
Mari D - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This is classic! Too bad more Father Fitzgeralds weren't beaned by handbags!
Peregrin - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This is fantastic, Laurence
the spirit of father edmund fitzgerald - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
you are such a naughty boy.. you loved all of it and now you try to defile my memory??
Rick D - March 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This is one of the most interesting things you've done.
Laurence Dunne - March 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Looks like the 1-1-1 ghoul got me!!! Everyone else, thank you!!
Michael Pacholek - March 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Holy cow! This was great! Here's three fives for your plate as you seek an Amiright collection. That old sunken ship produced many a trip and now you've gone in Lightfoot's direction!
Leah - March 26, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! This was funny. Sick, but funny. Great idea.
Bishop Robinson - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
If I were a Catholic priest I'd ex-communicate you for this parody. But I'm not and if I were I'd make your pennance 5 Hail Mary's, 5 Our Father's and 5, well you'd find this part out in the rectory.
Rabbi Schwartz - October 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Very funny
Professor Incubus - December 25, 2012 - Report this comment
This one is hilarious!!! I was wondering if it would be ok if I recorded this one. I would, of course, give you full credit for writing it. If you get this message, email me at
Professor Incubus - December 25, 2012 - Report this comment
The one thing that I did notice, though, is that it is one verse too long, when compared to the original song. It still gets 5-5-5 from me!

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