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Song Parodies -> "The Wretch Stops the Wedding Guest Gerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wretch Stops the Wedding Guest Gerald"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Did this “if Coleridge wrote Edmund Fitgerald” a while ago. Trying to submit it now as an homage, but the AIR site is F’d up, so it may appear more than once—if at all.
The guests are in town, where a wedding’s going down,
What’s that ancient thing guest of the groom sees?
Gray hair on his head…looks like he’s nearly dead,
And his eyes are bleary, drenched, and rheumy.

He’d been out to sea before, and he began to spout lore;
He pled with voice of doom, “Listen to me!”
Groomsman: “What’s with you? I’ve a wedding to do!”
He feared the ancient man might be loony.

“The ship,” the man cried, “set off on the morning tide,
With mate, and a crew, and a bosun.
We rode upon the foam and we roamed far from home.
By the captain our course was well-chosen.”

Tale made Gerald squirm; the wretch must be head-infirm,
Or perhaps he was loaded, thus spielin’.
But he held Gerald with his skinny hand;
More of the story he started reelin’.

The wind he respired made a babble-gale sound—
As he raved on, engaged in tale-spin.
And then Gerald knew: He’d have to see it through.
He twitched as on the ancient kept railin’.

He told the fate of the captain, crew, and mate;
In a gale, from his mouth, wind was blastin’,
He rued of the pain of the crew on the main,
And his face revealed: His teeth were gnashin’

When scupper slime came, some crew slipped on the deck,
Because in ocean’s wash was some seaweed.
It was only then he observed—not a wren,
But an albatross looking for sea feed.

The bird was a friend; what caused the man’s mind to bend?
As he sought his crossbow, he looked feral.
It wasn’t right as he got the bird’s flight in sight…
Pulled the string tight, causing fletcher peril.

The bird, white as snow, to the deck fell, below,
And the swabbies all started to glower.
They said to him, “Hey! The white bird…why’d you slay it?
’cause now we’ve lost our good-luck power!!”
They picked up the bird…non-booby booby prize
While chastising him for the slaughter.
And much to his shame, they hung the corpse like a chain
’round his neck, screaming, “You shouldn’t oughta!!”

The ship stopped rolling on waves in the drink.
They felt doomed while marooned in the doldrums.
Was it fever dreams causing what they had seen?
Couldn’t believe what their eyes told ’em.

It’s such a freak show; most dare not peek, though,
A few look on the spectral splendor.
And what scares them the most is that ship that’s full of ghosts…
Visions you’d engender on a bender.

Off the carcass did fall; the old man could pray,
Though the ship was far from a cathedral.
Just at that time ended the Mariner’s rime,
Which had sounded completely Medieval.

Guest Gerald felt down as he egressed back to town;
The Mariner’s tale was truly spooky.
After all that was said; it’s led him in his head
Too conclude: the dude’s opium-kooky.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

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 5   27
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User Comments

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CML - May 03, 2023 - Report this comment
Just had a HELL of an idea, JAB. What if, as a tribute to Lightfoot, we held an unofficial "competition" where we have other recording artists attempt to do "Wreck of The Edmund FitzGerald" using melodies of their songs. For example, Elvis tells the story of the EF, using the melodies of "Kentucky Rain" or "In The Ghetto" (On the Gerald; Superior waves keep crashing down) And the whole point is to show the true greatness of Lightfoot's song .. by comparison with our lame parodies. Wouldnt that be a hoot?
CML - May 03, 2023 - Report this comment
On second thought, the occassion of Lightfoot's passing would bring up memories of the Edmund FitzGerald tragedy. And there are still people alive who lost loved ones. So, this competition, however well intentioned, would undoubtedly be seen as insensitive. So, never mind
JAB - May 03, 2023 - Report this comment
Good point, CML. I had some reservations about posting this, but I wrote it a while ago. Meant it as an homage to a great artist.

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