The legend lives on from Al Capone’s cronies down
In the great state they call “Land of Lincoln.”
The state, it is said, is where corruption is bred;
It must be in the water they’re drinkin.’

Since Al Capone’s times, crooks have been aided in crimes
By officials with whom they’ve colluded.
These politicians have strange superstitions
That, from laws they’ve passed, they are excluded.

You don’t go to schools to study bribery rules,
But that did not stop Governor Kerner.
There were deals to make and bribes to learn how to take,
And this man was a very fast learner.

Concluding some terms with two S & L firms,
Dan Walker got paid under the table.
When his friends said, “Damn, why this little bank scam?”
He answered, “Just because I was able.”

Then Gov’nor Ryan was frequently tryin’
To find ways to increase his bank balance.
Today he’s maligned for the bribes he streamlined
But, bogus teamsters once loved his talents.

If big bucks you spend, then big rules you can bend;
It’s the way of Chicago and Springfield.
You make big offers to fill governors’ coffers
‘Cause their power is more than what kings wield.

These governors claim that their paychecks were lame
And they needed some income enhancement.
But since they got caught and can no longer be bought,
Their careers will have no more advancement.

Can anyone say how much voters should pay
To get reformers who are not fakers?
They’ve raised the pay scale, but they still can’t curtail
The election of Springfield law breakers.

Now Blagojevich can not stifle his itch
To sell himself to the highest bidder.
So, if you have dreams, and can afford Rodney’s schemes,
Just pay his fee and he will deliver.

Rod tries not to laugh at the hard work of his staff
And the candidates they are critiquing.
’Cause if you lack skills, but help Rod pay campaign bills,
You’re the kind of appointment he’s seeking.

With carrot and stick, Rod considers his pick.
Because he is completely unbiased,
There’s just one litmus test for who Rod thinks is best,
And that’s who has the bribe that’s the highest.

If you pay enough, Rod will sell lots of stuff,
So some landmarks might soon have new owners.
He’ll be free from gloom when he sells the Lincoln tomb
And names it for his legal fund donors.

Unremorsefully, Rod considers his plea.
He’s no longer a mover and shaker
‘Cause newspaper scribes counted 29 bribes
Taken by the new Springfield law breaker.

Graft has never died, though the Untouchables tried,
In the great state they call “Land of Lincoln.”
Though Elliot Ness tried to clean up the mess,
There’s a lot in the state that’s still stinkin.’