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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of the One-Size-Fits-All Wear"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of the One-Size-Fits-All Wear"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Four down, three to go
The legend lives on from Superior on down
Of the big butt they called "Bitchin' Booty"
Her tush, it is said, never went underfed
Nor the thighs of this Rubenesque cutie
With a load of pure lard more than one cubic yard
Shaped and formed and secured quite severely
By trusses and lace she would have to replace
When the meals of November came yearly

The cost of her clothes, from her pants to her hose
Was a source of financial dilution
And she said this must stop as she went out to shop
For a one-size-fits-all wear solution
Concluding some buys where they clothed the plus-sized
She was loaded with garments and dresses
Of latex and silk, reinforced to the hilt
All designed to endure any stresses

As the autumn sun shone, she headed for home
And set up in front of the mirror
She strutted and posed in all her new clothes
Convinced that she couldn't look dearer
She admired her form in each thing to be worn
And she loved the new shape of her booty
Ev'ry stretchmark and lump and badonkadonk bump
Was compressed to some semblance of beauty

When harvest time came, the field hands exclaimed
Sayin', "This'll be one to remember."
With abundance assured, invitations were heard
Sayin', "Come join our feast this November"
Miss "Booty" joined in, chowing down with her kin
On a bounty so rich they could all share
But on Thanksgiving night as she downed her last bite
Came the wreck of the one-size-fits-all wear

Does any one know where digested fat goes
When the stomach and colon get sated
Researchers all quip that it heads for the hips
Where it stays and expands unabated
The impending demise should have been no surprise
There were signs they all should have minded
Like reflections so bright from her spandex so tight
That it left nearly half of them blinded

Then a fiber gave way and it started to fray
And her panties they started unravelin'
Soon zippers and stays burst forth in a blaze
No telling how fast they were travelin'
It was done in a flash, leavin' no time to dash
For the door or to duck and take cover
When the dust settled down, there was blood on the ground
There were many who'd never recover

In a musty old barn on a midwestern farm
The survivors all muttered a sad prayer
The church bell chimed, it rang twenty-nine times
For the victims of one-size-fits-all wear
The legend lives on from Superior on down
Of the big butt they call "Bitchin' Booty"
"No fabric," they said, "had the strength in its thread
To contain the expanse of her beauty!"

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   17
 17
 17
 

User Comments

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2Eagle - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
One size fits all doesn't include plus sizes.
Rex - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Enormously brilliant!
Peregrin - November 30, 2008 - Report this comment
3 x 5s fit my vote!
Red Ant - November 30, 2008 - Report this comment
This was a collosal effort... larger than life... too big to be true.
Stan Hall - November 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Analogy of the day: Leo Keough:big butts :: Tommy Turtle:Sheep boffing :-)
EmiLoca - November 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Hahaha, terrific use of an entirely relatable problem. I mean... what? What's this parody about?
John Jenkins - November 30, 2008 - Report this comment
A legendary Rubinesque tragedy. Well done, Leo!
Michael Pacholek - December 18, 2008 - Report this comment
It wouldn't be an official "Wreck" parody if I didn't at least comment, and I'd be an even bigger ass that hers if I didn't give it a 5!
Mark Scotti - March 02, 2009 - Report this comment
WOW, Leo! This was a masterpiece of EPIC PROPORTIONS!!! Loved it! 555 (one size covers all)
Silver Power - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Very very funny parody! Probably the best parody of this song that I've seen. 5s.
Mark Scotti - November 20, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Size 555, and that includes size of parody, number of laughs and overwhelming pants size!!!
Agrimorfee - November 24, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) The thing with TWOTEF parodies is, a reader like me tends to rush through it to get it over with fast. Not so this work, though...you wrote a fantastic story, with genius usage of "bondakdonk", that didn't overstay its welcome. Very nice.
Stuart McArthur - November 25, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) excellent work Leo, on another of the Big7 for this W-comp - great rhythm and pacing, which you need for this OS, and the bonus addition of "badonkadonk" - a word I'm going to try to find a usage for - 555
bobpiecheese - November 29, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5-W) I've always found that the trick with writing a TWOTEF parody is not running out of material for the chosen topic. By telling a story, you cut that problem off at the source. Brilliant work here, congrats for conquering another of the Big 7, and kudos for working in 'badonkadonk;, an inherently amusing word. 555!
DJ Blaze - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Yet another Big 7 take I've enjoyed. "B*tchin' Booty" was the killer line here. 555
Below Average Dave - December 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I've always hated this original song, the rhyme scheme is so. . .half @$$ed, but yours wasn't, it was funny, well written, and much better rhymed than TOS
Red Ant - December 01, 2009 - Report this comment
"Ev'ry stretchmark and lump and badonkadonk bump" was the funniest line for me. Also, kudos for following the irregular meter of the song and bettering its rhyming (and humor) considerably.
Melanie Lee - December 01, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Now I really resemble that remark! I think I lost about 30 pounds over the past two years and gained about 7 pounds this past Thanksgiving weekend! 555 on a scale of 300!
Matthias - December 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Terrible original song, I have no idea how it made it's claim to fame here on Amiright but I mean "Major-Modern General" isn't much better. Anyways well done with this snoozer of an original.

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