X-rated Films Can Be Amusing

Well…here is the tale of a typical male
With a typical need for diversion
And how to define where does one draw the line
Between entertainment and perversion

My story begins when my girl spoke of sins
“Honey, there’s something I’ve been withholding”
My heart nearly stopped and my jaw really dropped
When I saw “Miss November" unfolding

She went on to say “Baby, this is the way
I’ve been paying for college tuition”
At first I was hurt…but she started to flirt
In the end she “assumed the position”

Now, up until then I had now and again
Wondered what made my girlfriend so willing
But, later that night I was seeing the light
That my girl…by the hour…had been billing

“It’s not what you think”, she said, downing a drink
I believe in…artistic espression
I do what I can to help woman and man
And now boyfriend…please hear my confession”

“My family, you see, has a long history
Of producing films raw and explicit”
She said, with a squeal, “Let me show you my reel
Hurry-up…’cuz you won’t want to miss it”

A grainy old flick of her late “Uncle Dick”
Was the first she decided t’ show me
He reeked of romance in his bell-bottomed pants
And his screen name was Heywood Ja’bloeme

I thought for a while…then I started to smile
And I no longer found it confusing
I opened my eyes and I soon realized
That X-rated films can be amusing

Then next, to my shock, was her first cousin “Rock”
He looked like Mr. T…only Mohawk
I started to cough when his loincloth came off
And I saw he was shaved in a “Scro-hawk”

Now I wasn’t sure if I liked this coiffure
But I guess this way he’d have no rival
And less curly stuff made things easy to “fluff”
And to help with good Rocky’s revival

(homage to Mr. Spaff)

My girl finally put in a DVD
Of her dressed-up like Hannah Montana
And though she looked cute…with her basket of fruit
Still…that’s no way to treat a banana…

The scene changed again…now, 8 grizzled old men
Guzzled rum while they all sang sea shanties
I started to grin as my girlfriend walked-in
Sporting “Barnacle Bill” on her panties

She showed them her craft using both “fore” and “aft”
While they sang and continued their boozing
I giggled with glee and she knew I could see
That X-rated films can be amusing

So, now you all know my whole story…although
Sometimes some of it seems kitschy to me
When we go to bed…the word “Action” is said
If you’d like…you can watch…then review me…

IB