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Song Parodies -> "They Cannot Drive"

Original Song Title:

"I Will Survive"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Gloria Gaynor

Parody Song Title:

"They Cannot Drive"

Parody Written by:

N. Townsend

The Lyrics

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking driving on the interstate was suicide
But then I spent so many hours on the back roads driving home
That I grew bold, and then I took to the main road

Now I’m an ace. Yeah I’m the best
My driving skills go unsurpassed, I’m so much better than the rest
But now that I drive like a pro, there’s a few things that I can’t see
Why should I share the road with others? What right lets them bother me?

They’ve got to go! Can’t take no more!
Just hit the exit, and go and make yourself obscure
Go sit at home and watch some TV and retire
Just stay out of my sight. Just go off somewhere and expire
You can’t deny, that you can’t drive
Oh, you’re all so poor behind the wheel, how did you stay alive?
Don’t know how you passed your tests
No, on the road you are just pests
Cannot drive, no you can’t drive
Hey, hey….

Moron rides his brakes ahead, he need to be smacked
He probably got his license from a box of Cracker-Jack
Now here some jerk wants in my lane, now he’s turned on his signal light
He’s not too bright
Who does he think gave him the right?

Here’s my exit, I’ve got to go
But I’m still driving in the left lane ‘cause the right’s too slow
And so I cut somebody off, but it is all that I can do
So what if that big rig jackknifed, I just had to come on through

Now here’s some dope, right on my tail
Red lights start flashing, and now his siren starts to wail
I hit the gas, and now I’m going one-o-five
Did he think I’d crumble? Did he think I’d pull on the side?
Oh no not I! I’m gonna fly.
Oh as long as I’ve gas in my tank they won’t take me alive
Can’t be bothered with no fine
No perhaps another time
Now I’ll drive, oh yeah I’ll drive
Oh….

You’ve got to go! Can’t take no more!
Just hit the exit, and go and make yourself obscure
Go sit at home and watch some TV and retire
Just stay out of my sight. Just go off somewhere and expire
You can’t deny, that you can’t drive
Oh, you’re all so poor behind the wheel, how did you stay alive?
Don’t know how you passed your tests
No, on the road you are just pests
Cannot drive, no you can’t drive

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
 1
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 4   0
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 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

McKludge - June 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Good to see the Gulf Oil disaster is not your only source of inspiration :-)

I'm personally indifferent about it, but you'll find that a lot of regulars here really don't like it when parodists repeat their choruses. If your scores are a touch lower than anticipated, that is likely why.
Patrick - June 21, 2010 - Report this comment
I've seen a few of those drivers. Someone just told me about a new car that actually has a video monitor so the driver can watch movies on DVD while he is on the road. How is he going to pay attention to his text messaging if he's watching a movie?

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