First you was afraid
You were petrified
Kept thinking you could never teach
me nicely how to drive
But I spent so much on lessons
Thinking where did I go wrong
So you came along
Thinking 'wot a carry on'

Reversing back
Into a space
And when I tried a 3-point turn
I saw you cover up your face!
I should have started off in first
I should have pressed down on the brake
If I hadn't changed to second
I'd have missed the stupid lake

You cried 'Don't go',
then screamed 'No more'
Just turn around now
Else you'd jump out of the door
Weren't you the one who tried to teach me
how to drive
You said don't fumble
And don't do more than 25!

And I did try
Tried hard to drive
As long as I looked at the road
I'd keep us both alive
I mixed third up with fifth
And you lost the will to live
but I will drive
I'll learn to drive - one way

It took all the skills you had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to teach me
not to stall on hill-starts
And how to pull off at the lights
And not to wander right from left
You used to cry
You used to pray to God on high
Now you are free
I've passed my test
I'm now officially allowed out
with all the rest
And you don't sit upon my left
and grip the dash in blinding fear
Cos now I'm driving on my own now
Can you hear me crunch the gear!?