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Song Parodies -> "The Ham Tries Out on Broadway"

Original Song Title:

"The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"The Ham Tries Out on Broadway"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

And the ham tries out on Broadway

He's trying for "Cats" again
Opened with 12 bars of "Ben"
The Talent Scout's bow tie's undone
Casting audition no longer fun
Yawning sleepily-- "this guy just blows!"
Same old ending, "You can go!"
"Get out!"
He cannot stop his starring scheme
Yet he has no talent, he lives in a dream
And the ham tries out on Broadway

Chorus lifers feel the pain
He tries "Zorba" again
Such emoting, God it hurts
To see his acting--oi, it's the worst
His voice is cracked, sounds like a toad
And he can't dance, he's pigeon toed
He works at the Subway
Really untalented auditioning kid
Wants the spotlight, it stays hid
As the ham tries out on Broadway

This ham tries to keep up the pace
But the Broadway showgirls start to laughing in his face
On stage, he's laid bare
Brings a silence to the air
Not in neon lights, the kid is none too bright
No director's picked him
For "The Lion King", nor "Movin' Out"
Really untalented auditioning kid
Wipes his eyes, don't know how bad he did
And the ham strikes out on Broadway

Now he's tired, he's all done
No money, twenty bucks all gone
Remember how the Director treated you with scorn?
He thought your piece from "Assassins" was corn
Thoughtless moron! He is so blind
He don't need me, I know his kind
"Something's Coming", my life has begun
"Just You Wait", I'll be The One
As the ham comes down from Broadway

They say his tights are outasight, on Broadway
They say his singing's tragic, so's his hair
Copyright 2004, Agrimorfee. That's showbiz!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

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John Barry - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
An entertaining walk down the great white way.
alvin rhodes - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
i was hoping the song would be as good as the title and i was not disappointed...brilliant parody...fives plus
2Eagle - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
5's. You didn't say anything about him trying out for "The Producers".
pickle - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Or 'Chicago'!
Agrimorfee - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah I really wanted to throw more shows and songs in here, but it just wouldn't have worked as well, I think, in the long run. Thanks all!
Tim Mayfield - December 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee, beautiful work, have your agent call my agent for 5's!!!
Jake - December 22, 2004 - Report this comment
My friend. for many years I have always wondered what would be the best way to parody this song. The word ham kept coming to mind, but I could never connect it to anything. You wonderfully pulled it off! congradulations! 5 stars.
neptunevsmars - October 10, 2006 - Report this comment
All really good except for "untalented auditioning kid", that didn't time properly, but I'll overlook that as you're obviously a Gabriel-era fan!
Porfle Popnecker - April 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Excellent parody from one of my favorite albums.
Matthias - April 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of great references to Broadway shows in here. The Youtube link didn't work so I'll take your word on the pacing but this was a fun little story and as a fellow actor myself I know I've been in this situation before so that's always fun to read about.
Mark Scotti - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) You've given me a GREAT idea for Broadway..."Parody, The Musical". All songs in the show could be parodies. And, you can work in a gimmick to have creative theater goers submit a parody that, if picked, will be created and performed by the performers, inviting the AUTHOR back that night. ANY INVESTORS out there in AMIRIGHTLAND???
bobpiecheese - April 27, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) There's a time and place for hammy acting. There can be different kinds of ham, you can heroic ham (like Shatner), humorous ham (like Jim Carrey) or villainous ham (Beast Wars Megatron). This kid...clearly doesn't get it. Great parody here, kudos for referencing "Movin' Out" (haven't seen the musical, but damnitt, Billy Joel needs more love), simply fantastic on all counts. 555 curtain calls!
Blaydeman - April 29, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) As a big broadway fan, I loved this! 555 musicals for you!
D-Mon - May 01, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) I'm not very familiar with anything even remotely related to Broadway, so this went a little over my head. Sorry.
Abbott Skelding - May 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Never heard the OS before, but you told really funny story here. It would have been a little better if there was a happy ending, but I can look past that. Nice work!
Peter Andersson - February 05, 2017 - Report this comment
The original was horrible - but that of course only made the parody better and its content more appropriate, I'm all for parodies that captures the feel of an original in an alternate way.
Matthias - February 06, 2017 - Report this comment
I agree that this OS is extremely terrible but the parody was a lot of fun! It's good to revisit some of your older work. Well done here mate!
Porfle Popnecker - February 06, 2017 - Report this comment
I love the original album myself and this is a brilliant parody of the title song.
Porfle Popnecker - February 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Here's my follow-up parody of the next song on the album:
Max Power - February 07, 2017 - Report this comment
There's always television gig, worked for Shatner.
bobpiecheese - February 07, 2017 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Whoa, completely forgot that I read this one before. Still pretty good, but I noticed a lot of pacing issues I didn't before...though that might just be my unfamiliarity with the OS. Still, not-starring-a-literal-ham-ness aside, this was great stuff, 555!

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