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Song Parodies -> "Old Man Can't Reach The Water"
Original Song Title:
"Madman Across The Water (Original Version)"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Elton John
Parody Song Title:
"Old Man Can't Reach The Water"
Parody Written by:
Paul Robinson
The Lyrics
More age-related angst here. As one hits "Fifty" medications are often prescribed for various minor ailments that sometimes have other consequences, otherwise known as "side effects". Sometimes you have to decide if the original ailment is all that big a deal and whether it is less of a bummer to deal with than those "minor" side effects. I'm using the "Original" longer version of "Madman" here, not the one that appeared on the "Madman Across The Water Album". This one is much longer and has lengthy guitar solo's that emphasize the anguish and futility of not being able to relieve oneself efficiently. It's almost 9 minutes long. This version can be heard now on the re-released CD of "Tumbleweed Connection" where it has been added as a "Bonus" track.
(Instrumental Intro)
I can't pee very well
Cause the bowl I can't reach 'less I arch my back
cause I'm not peeing very well
It's no joke that I can't pee very well
I'll wet my clothes if I don't lean towards the bowl
What is causing this condition I don't know
Once my tool had some real force to it's spray
Now it's gone and I'm standing here today
Not amused; seems I've been standing here all day
The way it drips out now to me is not OK
Peter seems so limp; so slow it drains
And when I try to coax it
I feel some pain
I'll see the Doctor in the afternoon
And then I hope a pee stream I'll be viewin'
But until then I'm conscious of the laughter
As other guys see the old man can't reach the water
(Instrumental break)
Still can't pee very well
My pee don't reach the bowl 'less I arch my back
I'm still not peeing very well
It's no joke I'm not peeing very well
I must lean towards the bowl or I'll stain my clothes
This condition's making my frustration grow
The sound you hear is my pee splashing on floor
Is my pee stream coming back
or is it's force abated?
Will it come back as I seek?
Is it something I've taken?
Seeing the Doctor in the afternoon
Hope he can fix this problem very soon
It's making me self-conscious, that's a fact, sir
When other guys see that I cannot reach the water
(Instrumentals and guitar solo to end)
I can't pee very well
Cause the bowl I can't reach 'less I arch my back
cause I'm not peeing very well
It's no joke that I can't pee very well
I'll wet my clothes if I don't lean towards the bowl
What is causing this condition I don't know
Once my tool had some real force to it's spray
Now it's gone and I'm standing here today
Not amused; seems I've been standing here all day
The way it drips out now to me is not OK
Peter seems so limp; so slow it drains
And when I try to coax it
I feel some pain
I'll see the Doctor in the afternoon
And then I hope a pee stream I'll be viewin'
But until then I'm conscious of the laughter
As other guys see the old man can't reach the water
(Instrumental break)
Still can't pee very well
My pee don't reach the bowl 'less I arch my back
I'm still not peeing very well
It's no joke I'm not peeing very well
I must lean towards the bowl or I'll stain my clothes
This condition's making my frustration grow
The sound you hear is my pee splashing on floor
Is my pee stream coming back
or is it's force abated?
Will it come back as I seek?
Is it something I've taken?
Seeing the Doctor in the afternoon
Hope he can fix this problem very soon
It's making me self-conscious, that's a fact, sir
When other guys see that I cannot reach the water
(Instrumentals and guitar solo to end)
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User Comments
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Great job, P.Ro! 555!
This one's a pisser.... lol
how appropriate...a peeing song, spoofing a song written by a guy with the name of "john"...5s
Egads! You mean there's a LONGER version? Well, that would mean a shorter drop to the water, anyway... ;-)
Jack/Mac/Alvin/Mer - Thank you all! Alvin - yes, I considered that also while I was writing this one. Mer - You bet - it's really an *ss-kicker, too. Mick Ronson (did the "Ziggy Stardust" thing with Bowie a little after this) plays a blistering lead guitar in this version and at a later point in this song there are helicopter-like sounds kind of panning overhead as though there were some sort of patrolling function over the water (to make sure the crazies don't escape, I believe). It really fills the song with all sorts of detail and imagery. If you get a chance you might want to check it out sometime.
I will have to try and get hold of a copy. Always had a soft spot for Mick Ronson - saw him live with Ian Hunter, and Billy Porter is one of my fave 70s classics.
A brilliant job with an brilliant song.
Jay W - Yes, this version of "Madman" has become one of my favorite tracks. Thank you!
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