Please don't sing 'bout Grandma and the reindeer
It offends our sensibilities
You may be amused by Killer Santa
But Grandma isn't laughing, nor are we

Oh, I sang it with such gusto
Maybe twenty years ago
When I could cackle at the notion
Of some blue-haired granny broken in the snow
Now that I'm a little older
That song sounds a little sick
If I holiday at your house
Better change that Christmas music pretty quick

Please don't sing 'bout Grandma and the reindeer
It offends our sensibilities
You may be amused by Killer Santa
But Grandma isn't laughing, nor are we

Now who doesn't love their Grandma?
Who else loves you back so well
Can you sing about her downfall
Without wondering if you might go to Hell?
"It's not Christmas without Grandma"
Even says so in the song
So to sing that awful story
Of her rendezvous with Rudolph would be wrong
It's just wrong!

Please don't sing 'bout Grandma and the reindeer
It offends our sensibilities
You may be amused by Killer Santa
But Grandma isn't laughing, nor are we

We have nicer Christmas music
A more pleasant holiday (aaaah!)
'Cause when I look at my girlfriends
I can see them in the headlights of a sleigh
I've told all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your Gran!
Hug her tight and keep an eye out
For the death sled of that homicidal man

Please don't sing 'bout Grandma and the reindeer
It offends our sensibilities
You may be amused by Killer Santa
But Grandma isn't laughing, nor are we

Please don't sing it!

Please don't sing 'bout Grandma and the reindeer
It offends our sensibilities
You may be amused by Killer Santa
But Grandma isn't laughing, nor are we

Merry Christmas!