Gents! Tell it to the hand!
Gents! Tell it to the hand!

Late night creeps so lonely at the bars
Weird men, acned with armpit sweat
They cop feels with their right hand
And hold drinks and cigarettes or cellphones with their left
The young girls laugh right in their face and say
"No way, uh, uh--not you, jerk
You ain't no player, you smell of beer
Your fashion sucks, you nerd!
Gents, tell it to the hand!
Gents, tell it to the hand!

So try as they might
They chase their virile dreams, but instead they get the hand
They act askance when they're asked to dance, say
Tell it to the hand!
Say goodbye Lance or Kevin or Lance, say
Tell it to the hand!

All the bars in the world, they hear this song
All the geeks want the love, breath too strong
It don't look like dancing
Epileptic spazzing
Tell it to the hand, silly man! Silly man!
Gents! Tell it to the hand!
Gents! Tell it to the hand!

"Bufu!" --so askance
"Bufu"-- so askance
They act askance when they're asked to dance, say
Tell it to the hand!
Say goodbye Lance or Kevin or Vance, say
Tell it to the hand!

"Stand back from me, stand back from me, tell it to the hand!" (2x)
"Creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy!"

All the drinks that they drank are now gone (the drinks are now gone!)
All that they want is to bang a gong (just to bang a gong)
Disco records are playing
But the girls are braying,
"Tell it to the hand, silly man! Silly man!"
Gents! Tell it to the hand!
Gents! Tell it to the hand!

(variations of the above through fadeout)