On the dark side of the moon, cool change I'm feeling
Smell of margaritas, to bring back that loving
Up ahead in the distance, Sammy drove 55, whoa
And I heard "Heavy" and got sick of it
Life is a highway, I'll go

There she listened to "My Way"
And I heard "Ring My Bell"
No one there's dancing with themselves
They all just listen to "Highway To Hell"
I heard Lit and Candlebox, won't you show me the way
I heard voices carry near the door
I know I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel the old bands trashed
Such a crazy place
Such a crazy pace
All the rooms booked at the hotel the old bands trashed
You want Ozzy's bat? We can find you that

Some here think Tiffany's twisted, buy me a mercedes benz
Some guests still like to listen to Beach Boys, or "Theme From Friends"
Hey now dance everybody, sweet Caroline
We'll dance 'cause we want to, and listen to "Shine"

I saw Tenille and Captain
Helped them drink their wine
They said that the sky's had a spirit here- yeah, for the longest time
And still those voices do carry from miles away
Wake you up in the cold air here tonight
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the hotel the old bands trashed
They go crazy here
Bourbon, scotch and beer
They're livin' on a prayer at "Hotel The Old Bands Trashed"
What a big surprise, they're now throwin' pies

Dancing on the ceiling
Baby, there's some ice, ice
And she said "Why are you still walkin' 'round here, please take my advice"
"All of our guests are deadheads,
So run right out of here
They're crazy about Steely Dan
And they're here most of the year"

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the doors
But the whole place was painted black
Couldn't find them anymore
'Relax,' said the nightshift
You can use the five stairsteps.
I ran away, didn't say goodbye
Oh, and I trashed my schweppes!