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Song Parodies -> "A Merry Yuletide"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"A Merry Yuletide"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

A few short months ago
I checked the calendar
Christmas music won't be played for "while

Now I viewed at a second glance
The day's date put me in a trance
"23", I felt crappy, lost my smile

After my wife Mary's family dinner
I grabbed ice scraper, since it's winter

Scraped ice off my Ford car
I, otherwise, Won't get far

I can't remember where I went
Or how much money that I spent
I'm sure that's something I'll regret
The pay, X-Mas supplies

Whoa!
Cry! Cry! This A Merry Yuletide?!
Just like Chevy*, minus Eddie
The hillbilly guy
The discount toys I'm bringing, know this won't fly
Screaming, "Gull-Dern It! At least I have tried!"
"Gull-Dern It! At least I have tried!!!"

(Feeling rushed: Quicken tempo)

Do I like to cook roast pug?
When not approved by Food and Drug?
And when those Asians told me, "GROSS!"

Now
Do you preheat this salad bowl
Of moose ticks shaved in casserole?
Man, should we eat these? Worth the chance?
"He-ell No!"

Well, I must Have been quite desperate
When I bought My Christmas Tree from Chet
He strapped it on my roof
When I hit one bump, it went poof

(Scream of angst)

I was a pissed off, hair grayed, worried shmuck
Till, Pine Tree donation from a nearby truck
If that dude spies I would be f*cked
Convey A stup-id lie

I started screaming
Why?! Why's?! This A Merry Yuletide?!
Though not Chevy, I'm unsteady
As that run-away bride
My two twin boys will be dreaming that dad had died
Bringing them stale clay, and a tie
Them stale clay, and a tie!

I
Hit up ten stores, to keep up with Jones
Wallet Once fat, now is down to bones
But I guess, that's the how it has to be

Kids would pester, dang, buying things meant green
Like speed boat, "Vinci Code", and blue jeans
If my choice, I'd be same Scrooge, obscene

No!!!
"We Three Kings" was played nonstop
If I'd hear it one more time, I'd pop!

Carolers circled home
Guess what song I heard drone?!

Finally
Crashed on couch to watch the fight
Mary asked, "Hun, you put up lights?"
Thus off again to get frost bite
One day I'll kill My bride!

I was freezing
Die! Die!!! Freakin' Merry Yuletide!!!
Though not Chevy, I'm unsteady
As Tom Cruise, love applied
This Christmas ploy
Drinking eggnog till fried
Screaming, "Can't wait till this day is behind"
"Can't wait till this day is behind!"

Nail gun, wails come as I have impaled thumb
My boot flew off, through car window sailed one
My smile's gone, watched shattered glaaaaaaaaaaaaass

Fell straight flat on my ass
My folks arrive they stare aghast
Uncle Chester, cracked a few wise, "How's the grass?"

Spent my whole night there, made house get views
And I guess it did, on the evening news

Imagine look on face
Lights were seen from outer space!

Finished, done for night, and I was dead
I just wanted to snuggle up in bed
The same mind frame from cousin Ted
That prick! He stole! My side

Then started clinging

Whine! Whine! On this Merry Yuletide!!!
Though not Chevy, I'm unsteady
As Mike Jackson with guys
I froze my "boys"
And turned my legs into ice
Screaming, "There's no X-Mas day, not next time"
"No X-Mas day, not next time"

Groan
Yeah, there they were crashed in my place
If I can make it without neck brace
I'll pray to God, and say, "Amen"

My brother Jack plays cymbal
Jack, don't quit
Jack's clash made me lose my wits
That fire finally put noise to an end

Now, As I watch my kids on the stage
My teeth were clenched, and mind's ablaze

As I heard "Jingle Bells"
Laid egg, and Batman smells

And as Christmas Eve at last began to drift
And Santa Claus began his shift
My wife went asked me, "Where's the gifts?"
Oy Vey, left at Best Buy

Went to break in

Sigh! Sigh! Hate this Merry Yuletide!
Worse than Chevy, I'm unsteady
As Kevin Ferderline
Showed ninja poise
Yanking bags from Best Buy
Thinking, "Make cops stay away I'll be fine"
"Make cops stay away I'll be fine"


[Tempo slows down: Relaxing Christmas Conclusion]

I just began my Christmas blues
Woke up in Ford car, lack of shoes
How'd this happen, I could not say

I went home, and heard Chester snore
There I dumped the presents across the floor
I collapsed there, till Jack's music made me wake

Out fell receipts, and children screamed
"Guess Santa buys at Winn-Dixie's"

For me the set of Tolkien
Mary got a violin

And the three men I despised the most
Santa, Elf, and the Christmas Ghost
In all their names I raised a toast
"This day is through", I sighed

And started singing

"Bye-Bye
Freakin' Merry Yuletide
Holly Jolly, no By Golly
Through a Folly, survived
My two twin boys felt so much obliged
"Thank you for the clay, and the d*mn tie"
"Watch your mouth before I tan hide!"

We were singing

[Entire family joins in]

"Bye-Bye
Freakin' Merry Yuletide
Holly Jolly, no By Golly
Through a Folly, survived
This Christmas ploy, is done and behind
Quoting: "God Bless all worldwide"
* Chevy Chase from "Christmas Vacation"

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 0
 
 2   0
 1
 1
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 2
 
 5   16
 17
 16
 

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Very gulderned good, Matthias! This is a golden American Christmas mincemeat pie, with whipped cream on top! 555 (white trash parodies on their way, M.)
Matthias - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Agrimorfee, I'm feeling a bit Northern lately... But I'll try to submit at least one to my own "Yokel Yuletide" (Oh, and by the way everybody CHRISTMAS VACATION is my favorite movie of all time)
Ann Hammond - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
he he holiday stress
alvin rhodes - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
great job
John Barry - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job of cataloging discontents in cascading fashion. I especially liked "Carolers circled home."
AFW - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Quite a creative Christmas tale..
Jack Qilson - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
That RULED! 555! Christmas Vacation ism y fav christmas movie
Red Ant - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, lot of work here, Matthias! Lots of great rhymes and lines, though I'm, ashamedly, a bit lost on the whole thing. Fave line: "Do I like to cook roast pug"; lol. Still very 5s-worthy.
Meriadoc - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job! As a former Ohioan, the ice scraper lines especially moved me... :-)
Stuart McArthur - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Huge effort Matthias - I liked "Nail gun, wails come as I have impaled thumb" and the Chevy Chase reference for Chevy and the "Jack play cymbals/Jack don't quit" lines best - great Xmas fare - 555
Jack Wilson - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL that was me, I made a typo
Matthias - December 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks guys, and have a very Merry Christmas: Oh and Jack, it's just the transittion of events through a man who's late for Christmas's mind, and how he deals with the stress, the food part near the beginning is him grocery shopping, the song is over the course of 2 days and all of the crap he has to do in the matter of those days, I don't know why the wife has more say than she does to keep him in line, but I guess she just doesn't give a damn about the holidays and makes her husband do everything, however it's all in all the mass amount of stress people go through during the holidays....... (Hope my explination here helps you to understand my parody)
Peter Andersson - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Makes Buddhism seem very tempting, doesn't it? :-)
Max Power - January 09, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM-Great yuletide joke.
Chris Bodily TM - January 14, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Man, this is genius! Have you ever considered becoming Jewish? That way, you can celebrate Hanukkah and not have to go through this... Though this always makes for great parody fodder. Man, I love "Christmas Vacation." I love the scene where he's like, "Rotten, no good.... sack of monkey (bleep) he is!" Classic! Though the pacing wasn't perfect, I enjoyed your take on the Holidays. 454
Michael McVey - January 25, 2007 - Report this comment
This was a riot!!!! Now y'all see what happens when people lose sight of the TRUE meaning of Christmas.----MM
Red Ant - January 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Your explanation helped a bit. =) Just had a read through to TOS, and I'm still very impressed by the meticulous syllable matching throughout. Also loved "Nail gun, wails come as I have impaled thumb".
Cat - January 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The pacing was a little iffy in points, but that's not an issue...this was great! I also second (third?) the "impaled thumb" line, as well as "Guess Santa buys at Winn-Dixie's." Brought back some memories of my own of asking my mom, "Does Santa shop at Kohl's?" after seeing a telltale sticker on the present box. =/ Again, excellent work.
bobpiecheese - January 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I noticed a few pacing problems, at least in the parts of the song that I know, but it was still very funny!
Johnny D - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Very clever and funny -- no retroactive bah-humbugs for you!
Johnny D - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) And that's for the SOTM contest!
Stuart McArthur - January 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above - it's so long it even seems longer than the OS, Matt - did you add a verse or two? anyway, it's a huge effort and with that many lines no wonder you got some beauties in there, such as "Lights were seen from outer space!" and the one I mentioned above - great stuff - with this and the Redneck Musical, you had a very productive month!!
Kristof Robertson - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) One of the most creative Christmas parodies I've come across; some cool imagery and of course, kudos for taking on AP. Great stuff. 555
Tim Mayfield - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Definitely a night to remember. Sheesh! ;-) Great lines though. It works as great fodder for parodies.
Glen S - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
very impressive, Matt. Some excellent sound-alikes, my favorite being the 'Jack plays cymbals' stanza. Also found the 'pug/Drug/GROSS' stanza and your use of 'jingle bells/Batman smells' to be excellent. Like I said, very impressive.
Phil Alexander - January 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Thing about "American Pie" is that it takes an awful lot of originality to make it interesting all the way through. There's a lot that's very good in this one, but it did feel like it was struggling in places (which is nearly always the case for parodies to this OS, so please don't feel like I'm getting at you).
wannabemustangjockey - January 31, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - I see that someone gave you three 1s, that means it's good! The fact it's an American Pie parody helps too, I'm always impressed with any parody of that OS because it's so huge.

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