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Song Parodies -> "A European Pie"

Original Song Title:

"An American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"A European Pie"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Actually I'm proud to be a Finn and citizen of European Union (in that order). But the politically correct self-hate and self-pity which we Europids are assumed to profess is something which goes beyond my comprehension. Political corretness, the connected lack of self-esteem, self-deceit and lying to yourself is something I cannot tolerate. So that is the reason why I wouldn't vote the Flaky Party if I was an American. But since my country has never oppressed any other nationality and rather always been the historical underdog, perhaps you excuse my skin colour and me being blonde and blue eyed.
Long long time ago -
can you still remember
when the Europe used to make things go
Science, arts, economy -
all the wealth and industry
accumulated at the Western shores
But First World War made Europe shaky
its faith low-down and ethics flaky
in the mud of Verdun
was Europe's spirit undone
I can't remember when I read
of all those youngsters who got dead
because of every dumb crownhead
those years when Europe died

So bye bye, Miss Eu-ropean pie
You're the remnant of a culture which committed suicide
Now those Leftie guys only rant and they whine
singing "Hope the Western culture will die"
Hope the Western culture will die -

Did you quit the Book of Love?
Did you give up the God above?
Did the Lefties tell you so?
Do you believe in economy?
Can science give you what you need?
Or do you wallow in self-pity real low?
Well, I noticed that you have no faith
and that's what made your spine to break
when you gave up your creed
you did shoot your own leg, indeed
You were but lonely, broken continent
in complete bankruptcy you went
your backbone broke and your soul was bent
those years when Europe died

So bye bye, Miss Eu-ropean pie
You're the remnant of a culture which committed suicide
Now those Leftie guys only rant and they whine
singing "Hope the Western culture will die"
Hope the Western culture will die -

Now for century you've been on your own
What you've achieved? What have you done?
Well, that's not how it used to be -
When Darwin wrote of Origins,
and Hegel of Dialectisism
you thought that Marx was cool -
My God, you indeed are a fool!
You went from Christ to Nihilist
and Spengler, Hitler, Bolshevist
those thirties ruled by iron fist
those years, when Europe died

So bye bye, Miss Eu-ropean pie
You're the remnant of a culture which committed suicide
Now those Leftie guys only rant and they whine
singing "Hope the Western culture will die"
Hope the Western culture will die -

Oh, and then you were again in war
that's when you got the mortal sore
In Auschwitz, Dresden, Coventry -
You were bombed into mince-ed meat -
your science did give you a treat
it killed your faith in the Humanity
Your East was raped by Commie horde
your West was old and tired and bored
Camus, Sartre-y and such
Postmodern Bee Ess enough!
And when you read of Existentialism
and blindly adored the Communism
you lost remnants of Humanism
those years when Europe died

So bye, bye, Miss Eu-ropean pie!
You're the remnant of a culture which committed suicide
Now those Leftie guys only rant and they whine
singing "Hope the Western culture will die"
Hope the Western culture will die -

For forty years you lingered on
then Iron Curtain too was gone -
so collapsed the world of Marx
But you never made your accounts clear
with Lenin, Stalin held so dear
Contrast to Nuremberg was oh so stark
You lost your grip on philosophy -
postmodern relativity
was best you could turn out
Now would that make Voltaire pout?
Then loud too howled the Feminists
and broken went the families
birth rates sank low and they sank deep
those years when Europe died

So bye bye, Miss Eu-ropean pie
You're the remnant of a culture which committed suicide
Now those Leftie guys only rant and they whine
singing "Hope the Western culture will die"
Hope the Western culture will die -

It's now the year two-thousand six
Look at yourself! You make me sick!
With that self-pity in which you do brew!
Get o'er with it, Old Continent!
No one in world is innocent!
You are no worse than anyone, you fool!
Now hear the rant of a blue-eyed Finn!
I'm not ashamed because my skin!
Be proud of who you are
all Euros, you near and far!
You need to find your self-esteem
and turn the nightmare into dream
Or else the Terrorists will scream
"Now die, you Europe, die!"

So wake up, Miss Eu-ropean pie!
Do you think it's good idea if you commit suicide?
Ditch those Leftie guys who only rant and just whine
and don't let Western Culture to die -
Don't let Western Culture to die!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   1
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User Comments

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Red Ant - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Very interesting piece, Susanna. Lotta research here.
Yoidy - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Very impressive. 555
Paul Robinson - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
For once I'm almost speechless, Susanna. Very well done. Red, it's possible she knew all this stuff WITHOUT having to research it. Remember, some countries still teach History. I've been led to understand that knowing it can help you avoid terrible mistakes. Maybe our next President will remember that and pay attention to it. 5's here. Very nice job.
Agrimorfee - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought provoking. It's good to know that many people outside of my own country are fed up with the way things are going, too.
AFW - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
A lot of work, well done
Kristof Robertson - December 04, 2006 - Report this comment
As a European-by-proxy, I'm very impressed with this....with the history AND the message. 555
Susanna Viljanen - December 05, 2006 - Report this comment
RA & Paul: This song is something which sprouted directly from my soul. The lyrics just popped out, and I wrote everything on one session. I didn't need to do any research for it (yup, we did learn all that in school), but I felt this song was something I just _had to_ write. I know I did now step on many toes on my ranting against Political Correctness (which is an euphemism to self-deceit), but then again - je ne regret rien. It is just usually those, who don't appreciate themselves and where they come from, who are the worst bullies and have no respect to others either.
Ann Hammond - December 05, 2006 - Report this comment
a lot of History in this. I loved it
As Chris Rock would say... - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
"So, what you gonna do 'bout it?"
Patrick - July 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Some here complain that the good writers are all gone. I have found another gem mining the past. I have read somewhere that the people who lived in the Western world before 1914 knew a spirit of hope and possibility that has never existed since. This is an excellent expose on the decay of the most progressive culture that humankind has ever know, and as you said, it was self-induced.

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