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Song Parodies -> "Japanese Rice"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Japanese Rice"

Parody Written by:

wannabemustangjockey

The Lyrics

Anyone who's seen "The Fast and the Furious" (FnF) will know what I'm talking about with this song. For those unfamiliar with the term, "Rice" describes a car (usually Japanese) that, in the pursuit of "performance" or "style", has been modified to the point of being completely tasteless and/or visually offensive. "NOS" stands for Nitrous Oxide Systems, and is a common acronym for a nitrous system. So sit back and relax as the American car lover strikes back against Rice!
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How in L.A. the car culture boomed.
When you could fix a beat-up Ford
With rusted body and floorboards,
Then join the hot-rodders and surfer dudes.

You once could cruise Wilshire Bou-levard
And never see a fake "GT-R".
We still liked old-school muscle;
Provided enough hustle.

But then around the late '80s
It came like infectious disease,
When fast cars all were....Japanese?
The invasion of Rice.

So why, why have the cars all been riced?
Does it truly make them cool? If
so I'd like to know why.
And most of them are never gonna look nice
Because now it's all just Japanese rice,
Now it's all just Japanese rice.

Have you seen what guys install,
When they hit Radio Shack in the mall?
There's a big "I told you so"...
Well, do you believe that a stereo
Is the best way for people to go?
'Cause their car's still going to be slow...

Well, some go about it different ways
[Whether] with bodykits or nitrous spray
And some, superficial,
With big sponsorship decals...

You were a high school student, with good luck
And your parents bought you a Toyota truck
It cost about $6,000 bucks
And was already riced.

You were singing,
"My, my, this Toyota's divine.
Spent the money for some 20's
And some pink neon lights.
And 12-inch subs that I can turn way up high
And I'll raise some skirts at Cool Import Nites,
Raise some skirts at Cool Import Nites."

Now after ten years, a new Nissan Z;
This time it's called the 350.
But that's not what it used to be...
In the '70s it was real high-class,
(Didn't need the decorative fiberglass.)
Now they use the Z most for drifting...

Oh, but while the tuners cruised the town,
The LAPD called a lockdown.
The ricers split and fled
Several were arrested.
And so teenagers scrambled like mad
To get home to their Mom and Dad,
Who didn't know their kids were bad
Because their cars were riced.

I started thinking,
My, my, that Integra's been riced.
It's a Type R, carbon fiber,
With a wing two feet high.
And meets illegally at Cool Import Nites
Saying, "Gonna have a hella good time.
Gonna have a hella good time."

Helter-skelter, run for some shelter
Here comes a police interceptor;
Siren on and coming fast...
They take off in their sport compacts;
Their NOS flames set fire to the grass
And the cops come,
'cause the street race caused a crash.

Now hear the defense from the ricer crowd
They like their fart cans, like 'em loud.
With kits of fiberglass
You're *much* harder to pass!
Oh, and racing stripes are quite nifty
(Increase horsepower by fifty)
I'd say that "fact"'s a bit iffy...
...Time to make fun of Rice.

We started singing,
Hi, hi, Mr. Toyota guy,
Is your Celica so delicate
You have to run light?
That spoiler's big enough to make it take flight.
Saying, What a waste of money and time,
What a waste of money and time.

Oh, and there we were all at the race,
An orange Supra set the pace
A clone of that from "FnF"...
So come on, why'd ya copy Paul Walker, fool?
Does that really make your car cool?
...Or has that fart can muffler made you deaf?

Oh, you raced a black Honda Civic
(Fast and Furious, oh yes it is)
Thought that you'd be a star?
You posed off Vin Diesel's car!
And, as you raced against the Supra guy
You over-revved it way too high.
Blew up your car, and you know why --
The big weakness of rice.

I was singing,
Ha ha! Doesn't that Honda rock.
Cracked some bracing while you're racing;
Put a rod through the block
And dare I say that it's a bit of a shock
When your VTEC's reduced to a doorstop,
VTEC's reduced to a doorstop...

I saw the Import Tuner mag;
...Somebody riced a brand-new Jag
And I just winced and turned the page.
And I went down to the Wal-Mart store
Where I'd bought driving games times before
Now it seems they're
All just illegal street race.
And in the streets, the oddest sight;
A right-hand-drive Nissan Skyline.
And at 7-Eleven,
A riced-out RX7.
And the three cars that I love the most,
The Mustang, Vette, and Camaro,
I've seen them too at import shows --
And yes, they too were riced.

And we were screaming,
Nyet, nyet, these people are all wet!
I'll forgive a riced-out Civic
but please, not a Corvette!
It has to be the ugliest thing I've seen yet.
I say, good taste is what these folks don't get,
Good taste is what these folks don't get.

We were pleading,
Why, why, must the cars all be riced?
Is it scary? Necessary?
Do you think it looks nice?
It's half the style; more than double the price!
I say, Friends just don't
let their friends drive Rice!
(c) 2005 Jay The Wannabe Mustang Jockey - email me: wannabemustangjockey@hotmail.com I don't just write parodies

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   3
 1
 1
 
 5   11
 13
 13
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Red Ant - November 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I think the pacing is a bit off in the choruses but since you varied each one of them I'm not going to dock you for it. I think this one is much better than the second AP parody you did, with TMGLTM.
Dumb Ass Kid - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
[SOTM] I've gotta say I admire anyone who is patient enough to parody an eight and a half minute long song! Very nicely done 555
Josh 2 - December 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) great parody but pacing slightly off, 455
Stuart McArthur - December 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) wow, you take on ambitious projects, wbmj - and I'm tipping you're a car enthusiast - I used to own an RX7 (not riced-out though) and I once drove a Camaro (one of your fave 3) from Phoenix across to New York, but I think that's where our similarities may end - and I thought the pacing was great - top effort - 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - December 11, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - You have probably all out drained the subject of Japanese cars here, I know I probably would feel that way anyway, but just in case you don't, may I suggest something like "Buying Japanese", "Driving Japanese" or "Crappy Japanese" to the old hit "Turning Japanese" by the Vapers? :-)
Red Ant - December 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What Red Ant said. I have nothing against Japanese cars myself (or other foreign cars) but I do have something against my neighbor for doing just about every modification you listed to his POS car of the month - at 6:00 in the morning no less. Excellent job.
Agrimorfee - December 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A lotta work went into this...thanks for enlightening me on the subject!
Matthias - December 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I like rice, but nothing compares to a good slice of Pie!
Spaff.com - December 18, 2005 - Report this comment
I think I may be detecting some sort of theme in your work. I haven't yet decided what it is.... Yep, as Stuart said, you sure don't shy away from the tough jobs. Well done. Although I'm afraid I'd need pages of footnotes to prevent most of this from sailing way over my head, I can still appreciate that this was a big-ass labor of love. And I dig lines like "Is your Celica so delicate?"
Phil Alexander - December 19, 2005 - Report this comment
This is very good: pacing's a bit strained in places, but fairly minor. Your penultimate chorus (the "Nyet, nyet" one) was perfect :-)
bobpiecheese - December 22, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't get it, but nice job making fun of the Japanese (I think). Nice work.
Adam Eccleshall - December 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't see how anyone who knows the first thing about cars could even dream of questioning the fact that a couple of perfectly aligned stripes of paint increase engine output. The mere thought that the two are unrelated is just preposterous ;-) Great stuff :-D
Tim Mayfield - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - With so much rice, someone should be getting married... oh, well. Very well done.
John Jenkins - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Very ambitious and very well done. A lot of very good lines like "Celica so delicate" and "scary? Necessary?"
Kristof Robertson - December 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow! You've sure carved out a niche for yourself, Jockey...I'd like to see what you can do with non-car topics, you've got some good skills going on here! 555
Johnny D - December 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ditto John Jenkins (again!).
2nz - January 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Another great one to this song. Great use of the original and rhymes throughout. Still very impressive. Especially liked the stanza that contained 'Cracked some bracing while you're racing'.
Claude Prez - January 02, 2006 - Report this comment
I have nothing original to add. Part of the problem of voting so late in the game. But I too planned on singling out the "delicate/ Celica" line. And praising the amount of work that went into this. Great job.

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