A long long time ago....
I can still remember when a PLAYBOY used to make me smile
When I was barely ten years old
I opened my first centerfold
And started thinkin' 'bout it, reeeal slow...

Miss February made me shiver
With each thought my hand delivered
Suddenly the door creaked
Mom walked in and really freaked

I can't remember if I cried
But that paddle seemed about two feet wide
The next month I slept on my side
But now, ol' Chester's died
And I've been singin'

CHORUS

Why, why, did my VIAGRA die?
Drove my Chevy to the levy 'cause the backseat was wide
That good ol' girl, you know she tried and she tried
But she finally said " your VIAGRA died
Seems to me your VIAGRA died"

Did you write the joy of sex
And do you put out for men who beg?
Everybody tells me so

Can you relieve erectile woes
Could you save this wimpy pole?
Tell me why this blue pill works so damn slow...

Well I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you jump him in the gym
You both kicked back some booze
Man, I give this hobby it's dues

I was a lonely teenage wankin' huck
With a Penthouse Forum and a Kleenex box
But these day's I ran out of luck
The day, Ol' Chester died
I've been singing

CHORUS

Now for ten years I've been all alone
I haven't scrounged up a single bone
But that's not how it used to be
Chester's morning bedsheet looked like a tent
I walked stiff legged wherever I went
And noise, from every girl, who screamed
But now while some legs have wrapped around
Ol' Chester still points to the ground
The bedroom was adjourned
A limp wick, no rug burns

And Lenin prob'ly kneeled down to Marx
In the deep woods next to Gorky Park
And carved their initials in the park
The day, ol' Chester died
They were singin'

Chorus

Held her, felt her, still wouldn't swelter
So I grew pot in the fallout shelter
Ate:-) smiles high and grinnin' fast
I handed wine out with the grass
The hippies cried " give it up, you ass"
But I gave Chester one last try, would he blast?

Now the back seat air was reekin' fumes
Heard Seargent Pepper and other tunes
Chester wanted to dance
But he never got the chance
'Cause that damn blue pill refused to yield
The blonde in back, she de-kneeled
And now you know what was revealed
The day, ol' Chester died
I started singin'

CHORUS

And now flash back to that gym case
Regeneration not in place
With no wood left to chop again...
No, you can't jack a limp pole, slackens quick
Just made do with a candle stick
It's your tired willie's little friend

Oh and I watched you from the stands
I had ol' Chester in my hand
No redhead born in hell
Could fake that half as well

And as your Keds climbed high into the night
I switched "thoughts" from left to right
Ol' Chester spittin' with delight
But now, ol' Chester's died
And I'm a-singin'

CHORUS

I met a girl who stank of booze
And I asked her for a back seat cruise
She just smiled and said okay
I went down to the corner store
Where I bought Viagra years before
But the man there said that booze and pills, it wouldn't paaaaay

I'm in the back seat buildin' steam
I shoved and pried but couldn't ream
Yea, not a thing was pokin'
Ol' Chester was still broken
And the three men I admire most
Weird Al, the Diceman, and Chuck our host
Raised their drinks in a silent toast
The day, ol' Chester died
And they were singin'

My, my, seems his Viagra died
Drove his Chevy to the levy 'cause the backseat was wide
That good ol' girl, you know she tried and she tried
But she finally said 'Your Viagra died...
Seems to me your Viagra died"