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Song Parodies -> "The Day Ol' Chester Died"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"The Day Ol' Chester Died"

Parody Written by:

Paul Wooten

The Lyrics

I have been playing the adult version of this parody in bars for years. I've spent the last two weeks modifying each verse for modesty's sake. Hope you like it
A long long time ago....
I can still remember when a PLAYBOY used to make me smile
When I was barely ten years old
I opened my first centerfold
And started thinkin' 'bout it, reeeal slow...

Miss February made me shiver
With each thought my hand delivered
Suddenly the door creaked
Mom walked in and really freaked

I can't remember if I cried
But that paddle seemed about two feet wide
The next month I slept on my side
But now, ol' Chester's died
And I've been singin'

CHORUS

Why, why, did my VIAGRA die?
Drove my Chevy to the levy 'cause the backseat was wide
That good ol' girl, you know she tried and she tried
But she finally said " your VIAGRA died
Seems to me your VIAGRA died"

Did you write the joy of sex
And do you put out for men who beg?
Everybody tells me so

Can you relieve erectile woes
Could you save this wimpy pole?
Tell me why this blue pill works so damn slow...

Well I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you jump him in the gym
You both kicked back some booze
Man, I give this hobby it's dues

I was a lonely teenage wankin' huck
With a Penthouse Forum and a Kleenex box
But these day's I ran out of luck
The day, Ol' Chester died
I've been singing

CHORUS

Now for ten years I've been all alone
I haven't scrounged up a single bone
But that's not how it used to be
Chester's morning bedsheet looked like a tent
I walked stiff legged wherever I went
And noise, from every girl, who screamed
But now while some legs have wrapped around
Ol' Chester still points to the ground
The bedroom was adjourned
A limp wick, no rug burns

And Lenin prob'ly kneeled down to Marx
In the deep woods next to Gorky Park
And carved their initials in the park
The day, ol' Chester died
They were singin'

Chorus

Held her, felt her, still wouldn't swelter
So I grew pot in the fallout shelter
Ate:-) smiles high and grinnin' fast
I handed wine out with the grass
The hippies cried " give it up, you ass"
But I gave Chester one last try, would he blast?

Now the back seat air was reekin' fumes
Heard Seargent Pepper and other tunes
Chester wanted to dance
But he never got the chance
'Cause that damn blue pill refused to yield
The blonde in back, she de-kneeled
And now you know what was revealed
The day, ol' Chester died
I started singin'

CHORUS

And now flash back to that gym case
Regeneration not in place
With no wood left to chop again...
No, you can't jack a limp pole, slackens quick
Just made do with a candle stick
It's your tired willie's little friend

Oh and I watched you from the stands
I had ol' Chester in my hand
No redhead born in hell
Could fake that half as well

And as your Keds climbed high into the night
I switched "thoughts" from left to right
Ol' Chester spittin' with delight
But now, ol' Chester's died
And I'm a-singin'

CHORUS

I met a girl who stank of booze
And I asked her for a back seat cruise
She just smiled and said okay
I went down to the corner store
Where I bought Viagra years before
But the man there said that booze and pills, it wouldn't paaaaay

I'm in the back seat buildin' steam
I shoved and pried but couldn't ream
Yea, not a thing was pokin'
Ol' Chester was still broken
And the three men I admire most
Weird Al, the Diceman, and Chuck our host
Raised their drinks in a silent toast
The day, ol' Chester died
And they were singin'

My, my, seems his Viagra died
Drove his Chevy to the levy 'cause the backseat was wide
That good ol' girl, you know she tried and she tried
But she finally said 'Your Viagra died...
Seems to me your Viagra died"
Copyright 2004 Paul Wooten

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Adagio - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
What a story! 5's
Paul Wooten - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio, thanks so much
Jan Unwin - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Keep it up! 5-5-5
Johnny D - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Sounds like a Shakespearianly-Tragic sequel to my parody "Viagra Guy"....... good job there, PW. 5's
Paul Wooten - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny and Jan, thanks
alvin rhodes - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
excellent....and i bet the filthy version is even funnier
Paul Wooten - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Alvin, thanks, I don't play it before midnight, but it does get a few chuckles.
Birgitta - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I see you changed the 5th line...good thing,lol. "Wimpy pole"-LOL Great job here Paul!
PW - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I changed about fifty lines from the original, else it sure wouldn't be seen here!! Thanks Birgitta
Michael Pacholek - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot pole... or even a ten-inch pole... I wrote one called "Chester," but it's hardly the same subject. (Shameless plug alert!) Of course, Chester Trent Lott is a real di... (comment censored)
mac - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done. 8's
Mr X - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Eights? You can't vote that! You can't vote anything higher than five because that's how many holes there are in each row on teh voting form. >rolleyes<
Paul Wooten - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
mac thank you very much, and mr x, I would thank you too if I knew your name. ARE you Mrs. Ed's ex-Horse?????
Meriadoc - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! I would love to hear the 'immodest version'!
Paul Wooten - February 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Meriadoc, I'm not so sure you would.It's made sailors blush lol :-) thanks!
Chris - February 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job on the parody! I read your parody, now how bout you read mine? "Come On Over" to the Shania Twain section and "Check It Out"
Paul Robinson - February 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul W. - Yes, Chester (Dennis Weaver, in "Gunsmoke") did have quite a "limp", didn't he?
Paul Wooten - February 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul, you are the first to correctly comment on CHESTER's nickname. I wondered if anybody would get it.Thanks for your vote!
Rose - March 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Lol.... Right on Paul..
Phil Alexander - March 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Awesome stuff, Paul: I guess when writing this, you must have thought about it long and hard...
Elbo - March 06, 2004 - Report this comment
This is a good one.i like it.
Sarah E. - March 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved it!!!!!
drewster the rooster - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
unbeliebable! there's so many friggin verses in that song and yuo had them all in perfect time and they were funny a hell, 5s, obviously
pre-wipe tally - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing: 37 fives
How funny: 37 fives
Overall: 37 fives

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