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Song Parodies -> "Mrs. Somebody's Bride"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Mrs. Somebody's Bride"

Parody Written by:

Porfle Popnecker

The Lyrics

Oh, once upon a time
It was in November
Turkey Day, it used to make me drool
And I hoped if the roads were clear
To Granny's house, we'd go this year
But fickle fate can sometimes be so cruel

Cause on that day I did awaken
To find the honor had been taken
By somebody's new bride
The turkey, it would be fried

I grabbed my stomach, horrified
When I heard about this novice bride
And wondered what we'd put inside
The day Thanksgiving died

So hi, hi, Mrs. Somebody's Bride
I hear you're cooking, so I'm looking
For a good place to hide
I'm just a kid, so I can be cutely snide
Hopin' this won't be the day that I died
This won't be the day that I died

Did she learn to cook in hell
Did she have to torture the bird as well
Is her cookbook by DeSade?
Do you believe food can be damned
Can prayer save these candied yams
And can you tell me why it smells so odd?

Well, I know that you're in love with her
Cause I saw you eatin' food with fur
You both are off your nuts
Man, you must have cast-iron guts

I was a happy little bouncin' tyke
With a big dalmation and a mini-bike
But I wanted to take a hike
The day Thanksgiving died

I started singin'

Fie, fie this inedible pie
I made some jerky from the turkey
Cause the turkey was dry
And Uncle Roy thinks it's risky to try
Sayin' "This'll be the day that I diet"
"This'll be the day that I diet"

Now for hours I've gnawed on this bone
The mashed potatoes are like stone
And you don't want to see the peas
When their puppy tasted the turnip greens
In a fit he ate some magazines
And he washed 'em down with anti-freeze

Oh, and while the dog was in this groove
I swear I saw the turkey move
It wasn't really dead
Or was that in my head?

And while everyone still struggled on
I excused myself to use the john
And ate some crabgrass from the lawn
The day Thanksgiving died

We were singin'

Why, why did your cooking we try
I started heavin', disbelievin'
But the heavin' was dry
And Uncle Roy started eyein' a fly
Dreamin' "That's a corned beef sandwich on rye"
"That's a corned beef sandwich on rye"

Heady, sweaty, was the creamed spaghetti
The gravy wasn't quite table-ready
And the dressing was undressed
The fiendish fowl on the plate
Was daring us to masticate
I wished it was in Kuwait, in a nest

The aroma in that dining room
Reminded me of "The Mummy's Tomb"
My mind began to reel
As the wallpaper started to peel

And I wondered if a poke would yield
What the sauce on all those lumps concealed
Do you recall how it congealed
The day Thanksgiving died

I started thinkin'

My, my, is this my last goodbye
Guess I'm beaten, is it cheatin'
To be eatin' my tie
Though grown-up boys think it's sissy to cry
Wish a missile'd hit the house and we'd fry
A missile'd hit the house and we'd fry

Oh, and so we ate that ghastly feast
That was unfit for man or beast
With nothing left to take its place
So come on: Granny save us, Granny please
Whip us up some blackeyed peas
Cause this would have the devil sayin' grace

Oh, and as we pounded down each bite
My stomach trying to take flight
Not even ninety pounds
Could hold that turkey down

And as the bile climbed high into my throat
I tasted something akin to goat
I heard the fat lady's final note
The day Thanksgiving died

We started heavin'

High, high, almost reachin' the sky
I was strainin' and restrainin'
But my drainin' was nigh
And Uncle Roy staggered back with a sigh
Sayin' "This must be how elephants die"
"This must be how elephants die"

And all into the afternoon
We were heaving like the last typhoon
Even the bride was lookin' green
And to the bathroom I was drawn
The toilet queue was ten yards long
It had to be the biggest mess I'd ever seen

And huddled round the bowl like monks
We were gagging up and blowing chunks
But not a word was uttered
While the French toast went unbuttered

And the people that I most enjoy
My mom, my dad, and Uncle Roy
They finally rescued this poor boy
The day Thanksgiving died

So now we

Fly, fly back to home in Van Nuys
To grab a sandwich, make some Manwich
In each hand a fried pie
And Uncle Roy, with a tear in his eye
Says "I don't care if I blow up and die"
"Don't care if I blow up and die"

So, bye-bye, Mrs. Somebody's Bride
Take a shovel to your hovel
And the rubble inside
We tried your cooking and we all almost died
What's left over should be buried in lye

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

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AFW - September 12, 2011 - Report this comment
You, definitely, show the big T in Talent, and the big A in Ability...to tackle and very humorously Master this classic...many funny lines
Dr. Oliver Clozoff - September 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Very nicely done, some great substitutions and a hilarious concept.
Puto - September 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Now I'm not sure I want to go home for Thanksgiving - Nice job - 5s
Porfle Popnecker - September 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks for the kind words!
Rob Arndt - September 12, 2011 - Report this comment
A deliciously wicked cooking parody- I love it!!! 555!!!
Glen S - April 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Great thanksgiving parody, Porf, and congrats very late on your tackling of this OS. I enjoyed 'heady,sweaty, spaghetti' as did anyone else who's every parodied this, and among many other great subs, the damned/yams stood out.
Porfle Popnecker - April 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for digging this one up and giving it a read!
brightCAP - June 18, 2012 - Report this comment
You managed to keep it moving through the whole long song. That's quite a feat for this feast. Lots of funny lines but my favorite are "This'll be the day that I diet" and "Do you recall how it congealed"
Porfle Popnecker - June 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks! Hope your next Thanksgiving is better than this one.
Agrimorfee - June 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Well i can see where you were going with this, but tbh, it didnt gel for me. Parts of the time I had no ideas what this going on about, other times it was just too weird and got gross near the end. And the word "diet" on the ends of the lines during that early chorus. (while creative) was wayyy too awkward for my conception of good parody. Now I realize that I myself have been guilty all of the above in one form or another...but rarely all at once.
Porfle Popnecker - June 19, 2012 - Report this comment
You say "weird" and "gross" like it was a bad thing...!
Matthias - June 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Porfle, I was wondering how long you could carry on this topic and while it seemed to stretch in parts overall it was pure gravy! I totally gobbled this up!
Porfle Popnecker - June 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Seconds for you!
Mark Scotti - June 21, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) Great job on one of the "Big Sevens"! A feast of laughs..
Blaydeman - June 21, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) I'm on the fence with this one. While I enjoyed it for the most part, I did lose interest in parts while reading it, but that's because you had to stretch the topic so far because the song is so long. I agree with Aggy with the "diet" thing, while extremely clever, was awkward for me as well. I wasn't grossed out at all though, and there were a lot of great lines in here, then again there were just a lot of lines period.
Porfle Popnecker - June 21, 2012 - Report this comment
If you fall off the fence, make sure you fall on the good side!
bobpiecheese - June 21, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) Well, I wasn't expecting that from the title. It's rare when a big family can all agree on something, even when it's something so basic as "don't let that girl cook". Great parody, some of the lines were a bit awkward, but given the immense length of this song, I can forgive that. 555!
Porfle Popnecker - June 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks, I'm glad you didn't give me the bird!
Abbott Skelding - June 22, 2012 - Report this comment
I would list my favorite parts of this song, but then I'd just be copying and pasting the entire thing! Excellent job keeping the story going through the whole length of the song, and with great detail and humor...great work here!
Porfle Popnecker - June 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks very much!

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