-> "Vacation Awry (Part I)"
Original Song Title:
"American Pie"
(MP3)
Parody Song Title:
"Vacation Awry (Part I)"
The Lyrics
"Here's where you should go"
The travel agent told me
When I asked about a summer trip
"And knowing you don't like to fly
I booked for you a special buy
On a cruise line that will take you there by ship"
He handed me a slick brochure
A sandy beach, a sky azure
Tropic sun awaking
Those crystal waves were breaking
Before long, I would have my chance
I could sample native song and dance
Maybe even find romance
May flames consume his pants!
(Down at the harbor)
Wow! Wow! This decrepit old scow
Rivets creaking, seams were leaking
I just couldn't see how
This rusty hulk was ever going to survive
Wondered if I'd ever make it alive
If I'd ever make it alive
A tug boat gave our ship a shove
Then we all prayed to the Lord above
"For those in peril on the sea"
The first mate, he got roaring drunk
And he broke into the captain's trunk
Then he staggered 'round the cabin aimlessly
We learned our captain's name was Bjørn
And he wore a helmet, double horn
A bear skin for a shirt
My stomach was starting to hurt
I was a sea-sick Kansas diplomat
Wearing red suspenders and an Amish hat
And I knew that I would lose some fat
The rail, over the side
(I started heaving)
Round, round, head was spinning around
As my belly turned to jelly with a gurgling sound
When my bowels I could no longer restrain
That's how the poop deck landed its name
How the poop deck landed its name
For three weeks we were out of luck
The wireless busted and the rudder stuck
We just couldn't get it free
I made a gesture and it was obscene
The atmosphere started getting mean
Starving guy who eyed me hungrily
Somali pirates spied our tub
And shared with us their meager grub
They quickly disappeared
Contamination feared
Two "nauty" ladies did erect
A "sex-tent" on the upper deck
Some careless fellows they'd infect
If condoms were not tried
(They made a fortune)
Bite! Bite! Scratch and scramble and fight
Chaplain's ranting and his chanting, we weren't sleeping at night
While he performed some diabolical rite
He's bound for Hell, that just isn't right
Bound for Hell, he's not doing right
Seeking shelter, out of Alka Seltzer
Poop deck hotter than a copper smelter
Mercury was rising fast*
Stranded, appalled, aghast
Comfort, something that they thought of last
When the ship was launched in nineteen forty three
Henry Kaiser built it well
But anyone could plainly tell
It had been sailed through Hell
There was this sulfurous smell
Bedbugs, lice and fleas infest us
The pipes were coated with asbestos
Gamblers started placing bets as
We all began to fry
(Are we there yet?)
Round, round, we were circling around
Navigator hid in ventilator, couldn't be found
The GPS told us where we might be
It said "You are now adrift on the sea
You are now adrift on the sea"
By now we were all skin and bones
An inch away from Davy Jones
With no food served for lunch again
The grits were missing, we knew not why
The first mate ate my corn supply
My fever started rising, once again
The surgeon knew, I heard him tell
Four hundred ways to cast a spell
Some remedy he'd find
Knew I was in a bind
But he had never finished his degree
In medicine or pharmacy
So he offered leeches, sorcery
Politely, I declined
(My head still hurting)
Why, why this unqualified guy?
Medifaker, part time baker
With a patch on his eye
While poultices he was inclined to apply
I'd rather have him bake me a pie
Slice of an American Pie
I made some friends among the crew
The passengers, maybe one or two
With whom I'd share our water graves
I sneaked down to the deepest hold
Full of people to be bought and sold
Seems the captain has a sideline smuggling slaves
Up above a silence strange
The deck chairs had been rearranged
The engine oil was smokin'
The gyroscope was broken
And then we heard the lookout boast
"Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost
I think that I can see the coast"
At last we all were saved
(We started praying)
"Gott dank, that the ship never sank"
The captain was exclaiming as he walked down the plank
And the passengers all proclaimed with a sigh:
CHANGE MELODY HERE:
"The time will come to leave here, then we'll say goodbye
And that will be the da-ay-ay that we fly
The travel agent screwed us, he told us a lie
Now, we're picking out the wa-ay-ay that he'll die"
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 4.8 | |
How Funny: | 4.8 | |
Overall Rating: | 4.8 | |
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Total Votes: | 5 |
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