-> "My Conducting Baton"
Original Song Title:
"American Pie" (MP3)
Parody Song Title:
"My Conducting Baton"
A long long time ago,
I can just remember - list'ning to our brand new hi-fi set.
I swung my small arms to and fro
And thought I made the music go.
I dreamed that someday I'd conduct the Met.
But fully fifty-five years later
I'm just a music commentator.
After a life in music
I now have laid down my stick.
It isn't bitter - isn't sweet -
With my life's ambition now complete.
Not victory, but not defeat.
The day I took a seat.
So farewell, my conducting baton.
You were super - what a trooper -
But those days are long gone.
I'm an old buck - I just can't jump like a fawn,
And so now the time has come to move on.
Now the time has come to move on.
I was full of music fire
As I sang my part in children's choir -
Kept time when they couldn't see.
For 'though they couldn't hold a pitch
That's not what made my stomach twitch -
They had no time - and they sang a-rhyth-mic-ly!
In my music class I was distressed
'Cause nobody there could count a rest.
I waved my arms around
To get the class back with the sound.
And all my teachers smiled - because they knew
That someday I'd be doing - just what they'd do.
I blushed - for I knew it was true.
But now those days are through.
And now I'm saying...
Bye bye, little conducting stick.
Never faked it! I could make it
Do each wonderful trick.
And all my moves - were truly graceful and slick.
Now I will not be conducting a lick.
I won't be conducting a lick.
Then for nine years - I played in school band,
And I'll tell you - that time was sure grand!
I did the marching/concert jive.
I learned trumpet - then switched to baritone,
Even taught myself to play trombone -
And I kept my ambition so alive.
For when we broke into smaller groups
I beat the time for all the troops,
Using my arm and hand
To make a better band.
As I closed in on my final goal
I gloried in my brand new role
With music burning in my soul -
And now I've paid the toll.
Once more I'm saying...
Bye Bye, little sliver of wood.
Much hard working and some jerking -
But it always was good.
And I gave it - everything that I could,
But I hung it up the moment I should.
Hung it up the moment I should.
Undergrad school - but I was no darn fool,
I was no great player - but it was still cool.
I got As but there was more.
I used my skills - I could weave
Such won'drous sounds - you would not believe.
For I ex-celled - in the reading of a score.
But my next six years were nondescript.
Through my first two jobs I blindly tripped.
Then out of nowhere came
The big spark to relight the flame,
When my little junior high school band
Received a top score (quite unplanned!)
And BAM! This guy was in demand!
I'm done - but it was grand.
Again I'm saying...
Bye bye, my cork and fiberglass.
Through the swerving and unnerving
You were serving with class.
You were my "ax" - more than woodwind or brass.
Sadly like all good things this too must pass.
Like all good things this too must pass.
My last thirty years - are quickly told.
It was a joyous age of gold.
My groups were all beyond compare.
'Though each nuance I could communicate
That's not what made those outfits great -
For each of my players - I truly cared.
The local adult band hired me -
That ended unharmoniously.
Band wannabes lack class.
They're a huge pain in the *ss!
'Though I never played Carnegie Hall
I still was happy all in all.
I got big sounds from those kids so small.
I'm done - but what I saw!
No more swaying...
Bye bye, oh my dear little friend.
We were living to be giving
All the sound we could bend.
We kept up with - ev'ry new fad and trend.
It was nice but it has come to an end.
Nice but it has come to an end.
A year or two ago came change
When my bosses told me words so strange.
I saw the dawn of a new day.
The only thing was the state test -
Not whose student music group was best
Or the benefits that the kids get when they play.
To classrooms we were re-assigned
My role was changed - It was redefined.
Our programs ripped to tatters -
Guess it no longer matters.
So I put aside my little toy,
The dreams, the music, all the joy,
And mem'ries they cannot destroy.
All I can say is "Oy!"
And now I'm saying...
Bye bye, my conducting baton.
I'll be staying with my playing
As I keep plodding on.
We once were king - but now we're only a pawn.
It was fun but now it's all gone.
Hello to the musical grind.
I took my fire back to church choir.
It is not a good find.
The singers there - they're not just just tone deaf - they're blind,
And it will be the first job I've declined!
Your Vote & Comment Counts
The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they
appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to
leave a comment below about this parody.
|How Funny: ||4.2|
|Overall Rating: ||4.2|
|Total Votes: ||12|
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| || || || ||Pacing|| ||How Funny|| ||Overall Rating|
| ||1|| ||3||
| ||2|| ||0||
| ||3|| ||0||
| ||4|| ||0||
| ||5|| ||9||