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Song Parodies -> "The End (A LOSTie's Salute)"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"The End (A LOSTie's Salute)"

Parody Written by:

Bilbopooh

The Lyrics

I wrote this in mid-May in anticipation of the LOST finale, generally addressed to head writers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. A fair number of spoilers follow...
A long, long time ago,
Back when television was an idle, passionless routine,
An epic promo stopped me cold.
It seemed like cinematic gold
Created for a more convenient screen.
A fiery crash, a pressing query,
A score that sounded more than eerie.
I embraced this new show,
This fresh "Robinson Crusoe",
This stunning tale of tattered lives.
Even if I’m pleased with who survives,
It’s sure to cut like John Locke’s knives
The day "The End" arrives.

A dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Do you know I came to love
All the folks who fell from far above
In September of ‘04?
And I soon made room inside my soul
For one crazed Scotsman in a hole
And Ben, who isn’t Henry anymore.
I’ve envisioned Richard as a sage
Since I noticed that he doesn’t age.
Fantastic Frank’s a find,
And I dig dear dizzy Dan's mind.
I sympathized with Dogen’s tragic case,
And Ilana touched me with her quiet grace.
I just don’t see how I can face
The day "The End" arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now for six years, it’s been on the air.
No other series can quite compare
In terms of sheer complexity.
Every episode hides a crucial clue.
"Stranger in a Strange Land" matters too,
Though tattoos are not exactly key.
Who’d’ve thought that run-down DHARMA van
Would fuel a hero’s rescue plan?
Who knew the code equates
To Jacob’s Candidates?
You’ve dropped crumbs along the twisted trail.
What tiny Season One detail
Will clinch who wins and who will fail
The day "The End" arrives?

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Faith and reason, loyalty and treason,
Enigmas deepening every season.
Cuselof, I tip my hat.
The polar bears, Hurley bird
And ancient monster are so absurd;
I appreciate it all the more for that.
There’s a four-toed statue on the beach.
When wet Walt spouted garbled speech
And Jacob’s cabin shook,
I had to take another look.
How do pylons form a Smokey shield
And why are Temple bathers healed?
What mysteries will be revealed
The day "The End" arrives?

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now all those phrases are in my head,
Like “Are you him?” and “Dead is dead”
And “Live together, die alone.”
“Don’t mistake a coincidence for fate!”
And Jack’s cry, “We have to go back, Kate!”
By leaps and bounds, the lexicon has grown.
It’s always a hoot to spout the names
So snarkily assigned by James.
Though “Jabba’s” kinda mean,
I’m keen on “Mr. Clean”.
All the allusions make me feel obtuse.
How many more will you produce?
My library card will get some use
The day "The End" arrives.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I said farewell to Jin and Sun.
Sadly, Charlie’s rock star days done -
In this dimension, anyway.
Scott and Eko had violent deaths,
And I always will remember Seth’s,
Since you deigned to turn the pilot into prey.
From fatal falls and time disease
To filicide (curse you, Eloise!),
You’ve shown a special talent
For killing off the gallant.
Michael wound up a remorseful ghost.
Sayid repented and then was toast.
I wonder who I’ll miss the most
The day "The End" arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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User Comments

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Patrick - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
I was never able to follow the show, but it appears "Lost" had some very enthusiastic fans. At least you had what is called "closure". I was a "Jericho" fan. CBS deliberately sabotaged what was one of the best shows ever. We'll never know how that series might have developed. Think "The Nine" and "Kings". Too original. In real life most people try to avoid as much as possible contact with police, doctors, and lawyers. Why do they want to watch them on TV to the exclusion of nearly all other occupations?
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Bil - Wow - it's a "Lost" two hour episode with both of your writes today using the "Lost" theme. I've writen at least two "Lost" parodies and I believe that they were both done to the TWOTEF OS. You really need a long OS to write about "Lost". I wrote one in 2004 early on and then after the end of season 5 in Aug 2009 I wrote my own version of some "Lost" episodes. This was when the island was time jumping after Linus moved the island using the ring in the Orchid. Time was sliding and slipping and skipping. I thought about how many things went missing in the Bermuda Triangle, so why not a cat 5 storm. The parody tells the story of a storm from the triangle transported through time and space onto the "Lost" island. It appears to come out of nowhere which it would and after much chaos the island moved again in time and they were spared a Katrina sized disaster. But since the end has arrived we know that this never happened, but it was a fun write just the same.

I have throughly enjoyed your writes today. Oops, I'm nearing the 108 minute mark, time to type in some 5's to keep the electro-magnetism from overloading. Great work Bil.
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Patrick - Yes, it seems like most ambitious shows these days get axed before they really have a fair shot. It's rather amazing that LOST managed to not only survive the first season but get to a point where it could end properly. And the more good shows end too soon, the less inclined people are to invest time in watching a show to begin with...
Fiddlegirl - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
I didn't catch enough of the series to understand much, but the parody is well-written. Some clever lines, including the ending "cutting like John Locke's knives", and having to break out the library card now! :)
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Guy - Many thanks! Went and read for Ed Fitz parodies. Great stuff! I've written way more LOST parodies than anything else; now that's it's over I'll have to find some other fictional world to sink my teeth into...
AFW - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
I've never gotten into the whole "Lost" frenzy, but I'd like to say this is extremely well written..Many unique rhymes, and pacing seems to be right on..
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, AFW! It was definitely an oddball show - but I hope something just as weird comes along before too terribly long!
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Gracias, Fiddlegirl! And I am indeed overdue for a trip to the library...
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Bilbopooh - I'll have to check your parody list page and jerk some of them up as you did mine. If your others are as good as these then it is well worth the search and read and review. Thanks!
WarrenB - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Seems you've got some fans, Bilbo! Justifiably so. You have such an easy way with the flow of your lyrics and definitely a broad knowledge of Lost. You're definitely making me want to go rent the first few seasons I missed. Here are your 5s!
Bilbopooh - July 02, 2010 - Report this comment
Many thanks, Guy and Warren! Very heartening words to head into the weekend with. Many happy returns! :)
Guy - July 02, 2010 - Report this comment
Bil. As promised I went through your homepage list of parodies. I found two and I V-Ced on them both. I know you saw that I was there at one of them but I think you missed my take up on "Flaming Arrows". I will try to check for some more later. Keep your eyes peeled.
Bilbopooh - July 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Ah, I did indeed miss that. Thanks!

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