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Song Parodies -> "A Footnote Reply"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don Mclean

Parody Song Title:

"A Footnote Reply"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

Please receive this in the spirit it is given. Like Pete does, I ride tandem with the random. So when I saw all of those footnotes on TT/FG's American Pie, one thing led to another. And here it is.
About two days ago (1)
I can still remember
How my lunchtime used to warm my soul
How I would sit with my laptop
And surf one hour at some hot spot (2)
Enjoying meatless burgers on stale rolls.

The parodies, yeah, I read a few
On most weekdays I would write some too
Most of them that I chose
Would force soft drink through my nose (3)

I do remember a white light
As I read about the dollar’s plight
A footnote festival delight
Inside, my brain took flight

Hey, hey
There are footnotes for days
My cerebrum
Made a low hum
Then it burst in a blaze
My face went blank with a lobotomy glaze (4)
And then inside my head went all numb
Black appeared and then I succumbed

They all said that they smelled smoke
As my head fell down into my coke, (5)
Who was it said that coke adds life?
There was a cop on his patrol
Who just popped in a plug of Skoal (6)
Pulled a gun when he saw my plastic knife.

Well, he clicked his mike and called it in
Heard the ambulances loud sirens
They wiped away the food
About the time I came unglued.

I started spouting how that FDR
Was the main guy to blame for how things are
And then I asked for my guitar (7)
The day my brain got fried

I started singin’
“Oh, no where did they put my gold?
Bills are handy, not as dandy
Or at least so I’m told”
And then I said, “The little notes told me so.
I’m saying the first eight or nine clearly show.
This government still owes me dough.” (8)

The worried cop called out for restraints
And patrons fell down in fits and faints
I felt the handcuffs clamp on me. (9)
I confess I have never been this way
Then again, it was a fateful day
All those notes, all of that history.

And while EMT’s had gathered round (10)
Looking for ways to clamp me down
I pulled up on my pants
And my legs began to dance.
Then I felt a tranquilizing dart
I lost control of body parts
Well, things got dim and then went dark.
I then heard voices ring

They were singing,
“Bye-bye, you there communist guy.
Saw you holler at the dollar,
Now you’re collared, goodbye.
If you come back, we’ll knock your teeth, and they’ll fly.
We’re sayin’ that you better not even try.
Try it, and then you’ll find out why.

Jeepers, creepers I was falling deeper
The nerves felt raw and I had a fever
Feeling high but falling fast
I peered out right through the glass
Saw scenery, as it quickly passed.
And the footnotes in my mind, again amassed.

Half paranoid and consumed with doom
The poem played back like a skewed cartoon
I dreamed that Nazis danced (11)
Stealing gold when they had the chance
I learned more about the Civil War (12)
And WIN buttons from Gerald Ford (13)
The Reagan years, was it folklore? (14)
His hair was surely dyed.

My ears were ringing
“Gold! Gold! That stuff never gets old.
Yes, it’s heavy like a Chevy
And much cleaner than coal." (15)
My broker says value continues to grow
He preaches, “Buy it and you’ll never be broke
Just don’t go and blow it on coke.” (16)

Now the vehicle had found the place
Sanitarium, lovely place,
With gardens green and razor wire.
They told me, “Yes, you’re mental. Yes, you’re sick.
A few days here should do the trick.
No need to provide your own attire.” (17)

An orderly brought me to a couch.
The doctor asked, “Why such a grouch?”
I spilled those footnotes out,
And then began to shout.

And as some large men dragged me from the room
And put me in a padded tomb
The depression came and then the gloom.
Would I return home soon?

I was humming,
“Why’d I read American Pie?”
It was heady, wasn’t ready
Now it’s steady decline.
And them footnotes were playing back in my mind.
I’m thinkin’ surely this must be a bad sign.
Now I sit alone doin’ time.

I fixed my mind on what I’d done,
And then recalled the twenty-one. (18)
The footnotes wouldn’t go away.

And then a man opened the door
“It’s now time to leave. Please don’t be sore.”
And remarked that my insurance wouldn’t pay. (19)

And in the streets, the masses screamed.
The doctors cried, and the lawyers beamed
Our system has been broken
Currency just a token. (20)

On whom shall we now pin our hopes?
On those shy, or on the ones that boast?
Don’t bank on any talk show host.
With them, it’s always pride. (21)

It's not quite over
My, my, an end to my diatribe
To Tommy Turtle and the girl
Who fiddles with her replies.
With your footnotes long and humor that goes on for miles.
And you interest us with all of your styles.
And humor that produces our smiles. (22)


1) Two can be as bad as one.

2) One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.

3) Although a saline solution and a Nettie pot are preferred, carbonated drinks have been known to relieve congestion in laboratory rats.

4) Lobotomies, popularized by the invention of the metal straw, have made a comeback in recent times. Now that insurance companies understand the value of keeping clients in a perpetual state of ‘lack of understanding’, reimbursement rates are topping close to 100%.

5) Inexpensive coke.

6) Skoal is a popular brand of chewing tobacco. Swallowing is not recommended.

7) Contrary to popular belief, women do not swoon over men who play guitars. They drool. Be sure to bring napkins to every performance.

8) Dough. Bread. Yes, I knead it.

9) (insert imagination here)

10) Emergency Medical Technician. Not to be confused with Extra Mobile Terrestrials, which are commonly referred to as flying saucers.

11) See TT/FG footnote 11a. Though there is no mention of Nazis dancing, it is widely suspected they jigged.

12) See TT/FG footnote 11b. The Civil War was won by Arnold Fitzmonger in straight sets.

13) See TT/FG footnote 16. Few people know that the WIN campaign actually stood for Winter Intercontinental Nissiles, which was a miserable failure in nissile technology…what? Missiles? Oh….sorry.

14) Recently unclassified documents have shed more light on the Reagan administration. According to one document, Reagan was actually a robot constructed from old communicators used in the original Star Trek television series. Thus, he was constantly referred to as the Great Communicator, not because he had talent, but because he was much larger than the original communicators. And he tended to chirp when he bent over.

15) Clean coal technology, also known as Fine American New Technology And Simplified Yamakas (FANTASY), is slated for implementation not in our lifetime.

16) Expensive coke.

17) Most asylums, however, insist you wear clothes when you check in. Protocol.

18) There are twenty-one footnotes in the TT/FG parody.

19) But insurance would pay for a lobotomy. Go figure.

20) Token is the beloved author of the Lord of the Rails trilogy.

21) Observation- If you’re willing to follow a talk show host, you may have found a less expensive way to receive a lobotomy.

22) This last footnote is brought to you by no one in particular.
Thank you for indulging this rampant silliness.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Not one single ibid. or op. cit.? A humorous and uncanny tribute to my favorite reptile and his wonderfully "viol" collaborator. ;D
Fiddlegirl - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
This is one of the funniest things i've ever seen... ROFLMAO!!!!
Andy Primus - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice one - loads of good rhymes/lines. Extra credit because the parody you're parodying is only 2 days old
Tommy Turtle - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
ROFLMAO @ the footnotes themselves! Devilishly clever one-liners! (unlike the OF -- Original Footnotes -- which often covered several paragraphs.)

Taken in the spirit intended? There is *no* higher compliment than to inspire spinoffs - *seriously*, Warren. Much grass! {1] [2]

Given the tremendous plug for us, and as Andy noted, such a monster in two days, it would be hugely crass (not grass) to mention minor pacing and stress nits, which methinks will mature with experience. (and will spare you the plug-link toTT's Tips for Perfect Parody Pacing, lucky you. :) For a relatively new writer, an outstanding effort (aside from the excellent choice of subject), and a great parody of a parody. 555+++

Oh, and you'd best not read
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/beegees20.shtml
(or some of our/my other works as well) until you've recovered from your footnotitis.

Glad the overdose wasn't fatal! -- and sorry it's not getting the readers, votes, and comments it deserves. C'mon, peeps, FG and I loved this joke at our expense -- show Warren some love for this epic satire of the pompous!

[1] "Much Grass" = English translation of the Spanish appreciation of gratitude, "Muchas gracias".

[2] Warren, I'll bet this is the first time you've ever seen a footnote in a *comment* -- though TT has done it once or twice before. ;) Keep on truckin'!
Warren Baker - December 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, OMR. It was one of those moments where inspiration hit, and I had to get it out. FG, thanks for the compliment. It was really a lot of fun to write! Andy, some of those lines had been percolating for a while, and I'd wanted to use them somewhere. FG/TT provided the home. TT, welcome to my stream of consciousness, and I'm glad you took it as it was intended. And you're right- the object was speed, and reading it back now, there are a couple of places I would change things. BeeGees? Hmmm...I'll take a look, or should I wait for my prescriptions to kick in? Thanks for providing the inspiration, TT. Sometimes when it hits, it's all you can do to get it written before the moment fades. And with old farts like myself, we forget crap all the time! (1) (1) er...what was I writing about....;-P
Tommy Turtle - December 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Warren, I've written parodies in my head while in the shower (in the head, so to speak), and tried desperately to remember them long enough to dry off enough to get to the puter and type them . Uh, *much* shorter ones than these ;) ...So, empathy on memory.

Also on the mad rush to stick it in when the urge strikes -- just ask FG! (Hmm... could that be misinterpreted? ... naah!) .. TT's Tigerripping on Friday was one such. Was about to hit the sack at about 2:30 am Thu. night/Fri morn when it "struck" (from reading P. Andersson's comment @ K. Robertson's post on Thurs.) -- no way was I going to sleep until it was composed, tweaked, proofread, and submitted. So yeah, we think a lot in common -- which should scare you even more than the events you described. Get out now, while you still can! :-)

The footnotes in the linked (plugged) parody probably set a record at the time, which was promptly broken by the subject of your fine satire, so yeah, 'haps best wait until the meds kick in and the daze 'n confusion wear off. :-) But by all means, then have a look.

How to nail both pace and stress on the first try: http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html
blackjack21 - December 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Sorry for being late to the party, but I couldn't get my foot in the door because of all those notes! This was very entertaining and fun, Warren. 555
Warren Baker - December 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, blackjack. I'll provide a virtual shovel next time!

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