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Song Parodies -> "The Kids In Low-Rise"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"The Kids In Low-Rise"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

What do you know? Deja two. The joint project wasn't planned; however, I was feeling somewhat heady over yesterday's project completion, and challenged TT to a rematch. Cad that he is, he accepted. Egoist and documented overachiever that he is, he won. And soundly. Next time, I think I'll suggest arm-wrestling. :) (But remember, Seňor Tortuga, I have nowhere to go but up!)
A long, long time ago,
Maybe you remember
How young fellows used to dress with style
With buttoned shirts and pleated pants,
Wore ties to nearly every dance,
And they looked pretty handsome, for awhile

But jackets, sweaters, vests, slacks pleated
Gave way to Nehrus, fringed and beaded
Then came punk and preppy
And sort of Johnny Depp-y

I can’t remember when it was
They began to look like folks from Oz
The fashion trends just give me cause
To say, “Have they no pride?”

So
Guys, guys, please hitch up your Levis™
They are slippin' past your hipbone and almost to your thighs
Must whole world know about your underwear size?
Think you’re looking “fly” but, Bro, you’re no prize
Zip your fly, Bro, showin' no prize

Do you wear the Loom of Fruit™?
Are they striped or spotted? Oh, how cute!
(It’s more than we need to know)
And do you believe we *want* to see
The label on your BVDs™?
Hey, yo- save it for your skank, bee-yatch; ho

And I know that with your length of hem,
We won’t need to sweep up after gym
Just walk across the floor
We'll see no dust there anymore!

And now suburban teenage “wigger” schmucks
Try to cop-y “ghetto” looks from hip-hop bucks
I guess they think they’ll have more luck
With dates on Friday nights.

But we’re all singin’
Guys, guys, please pull up your low-rise
Jeans are sagging, boxers bagging; we’re averting our eyes
Is naught inside to hold them up? Lacking size?
That’s a fact you might not wish advertised
No, I don’t think I’d emphasize...

There are ten rips on your thighs alone
And moss shows above your pubic bone [1]
The tattoos are a sight to see
Now your chest is full of profanity
(Half of those words don't mean squat to me)
Make a choice, and name your destiny

Oh, and while your pants are hanging down
The fam'ly jewels just swing around
Your shorts' room: unconcerned?
No manners have you learned

And while denim gives a look at crotch
For-get it; we'd prefer: not watch
Such fashion scourges; quite a blotch --
-- These days; their pants low-ride

Please stop swingin'!
My, my, private parts gone awry
He ain't heavy, but a bevy of us wish: were more shy
And ragged boy should really zip up his fly
You're showin' us your stuff, but may we ask why?
Trollin' for a nibble? Nice try!

Belt: your helper; give you some more shelter
That bird flew off; what an eyeful, dealt her!
She said, "Oh my", and ran off fast
Your pants, they fell off your ass
So "player", hide, or you'll scare off lass
Think, impressed her? Britches guidelines: breaches, vast

In the old days, guys would neatly groom
'Stead of gangstas: imitate costume
At waist, they wore their pants
Oh, but today, they show their lance!

Hear our prayers: Keep your stuff concealed
By starching pants; from our eyes, shield
Appall: Each ball is now revealed
Today, 'cause pants low-ride

Yer stuff, yer flingin'
Dudes, dudes, must you show us your pudes? [2]
It's distasteful, below waist-ful, pants fall, Willy protrudes
That look annoys; stop thinkin' we're being prudes
It seems at this rate, you will all soon be nudes
Broodin' 'cause you're rude and so crude

Oh, and there they were, all so disgraced
A generation with no taste
There's still time left to start again!
So come on, Homes, get tasteful; get a clue
Wake up, and maybe read GQ [3]
We tire at the sight of your rear end

Oh, and as I watched him flash his sack
And reeled from stench of plumber's crack
A change'll do you well
Just make like turtle's shell!

And as nice dames would shy from such a sight
Highlight: your superficial blight
I saw spate of pulling pants up tight
The day the guys learned pride

They were singin'
"My, my, I'm an Ivy League guy
"Don't believe it? Just perceive it: Look, I'm wearin' a tie
"No more homeboy; I'm now a darn handsome guy"
And singin', "This, the women cannot deny
"Chat 'em up, and they all reply"

They put away their faded blues
And they bought themselves some leather shoes
The girls all smiled; returned display
They went down to the fine men's store
Where all gentlemen shopped, days of yore
And the salesmen have good taste, because they're gay

They walk the streets, and no one screams
They dress with pride, and a girl's eye gleams
Such fine things do they cloak in
Their habits, old, are broken

And the three men who, their clothes, design
Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Calvin Klein
They make them shine like sparkling wine
The day their old ways died

And they were singing'
"My, my, no more gangsta am I
"Sloppy: copy; hangin' floppy; only properly buy
"We're no longer boys, we're now men; we'll tell you why:"
Singin' "To our bad-ass ways, say good-bye
"To our hobo phase, say good-bye"

They were singin'
"My, my, reconstructed anew
"We earn praising that's amazing; ev'ry word of it's true
"And oh, the joys of makin' mod'lin' debut
"You will find us on the cover: GQ"




[1] TT's contribution, of course. No lady would write such a line, and neither would FG.

[2] Not a typo for "pubes", but short for "pudenda" (Latin) = genitals. (TT takes the blame for this one too -- obviously.)

[3] GQ = formerly known as "Gentlemen's Quarterly", a fashion magazine for men.

"The lady protests too much, methinks." (HamleTT) © 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

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 5   14
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User Comments

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AFW - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow! Wow!...and more multiple Wows! You guys broke thru the parody dam and went over the falls with this one...The greatest team up since, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Lerner and Lowe, Tom & Jerry, etc. etc....Bravo!..and several other of those cable channels..
Patrick - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Outstanding collaboration! Greatest tune from the rock and roll era gets yet another set of lyrics. I like the finale where all the punks stop imitating the street gangsta's and start dressing like the upper echelon Mafiosi. You can rob more money with a suit and a briefcase than you can with a gun. American Pie is one of my favorite songs. I wish I could conjure a parody of my own for it, maybe someday. I really like this one. On a related topic. I can recall the days when women and girls wore one bra and kept the straps hidden. Now it seems they wear two or three at a time and make a point of showing them off to the world. Anyone care to tackle that fashion faux-pas?
Leo Keough - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Agree with all the sentiments except for wearing ties (IMO, the silliest fashion accessory for men of all time)...Great job!!!...555!!!
Mark Scotti - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody is dressed to the nines, but i can only give fives, to this spactacular collaborative that has just arrived!!
McKludge - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Hey you kids, get off my lawn!
Tommy Turtle - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
EVERYBODY: Was awaiting FG's replies, because TT was taught that as a gentleman, ladies always come first ;). She must be tied up with something foolish, like work -- or perhaps simply tied up. (James Bondage). So, some quick thanks, but sure FG will have more wit to add -- doesn't she always?

AFW: "Tom and Jerry" is probably the most apropos LOL! ... heady company there; overwhelmed. Thanks, AFW.

Patrick: I'm certain that you will someday (do AP parody). I was fortunate enough to have lived through the era where it was fashionable to wear no bra, so perhaps they're trying to average that out... Shouldn't they change the term from "underwear" to "overwear"? Thanks for v/c, Patrick.

Leo Keough: I'm with you. Why would I put a noose around my neck voluntarily? Apparently, it's some sort of Freudian symbol. Me, I just stuff a pair of socks in my pants and achieve the same effect. :) Thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: You can tell that the concept came from the female half -- me, shorts and a T-shirt. But at least the shorts cover the long (hehe). Thanks for v/c, and I'm sorry to say that there may well be future such collaborations plaguing AIR :)

McCain -- I mean, McKludge: Be grateful that they're not stealing your car! ... and well-dressed, besides :)
Timmy1000 - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Agree with the sentiment and great write. Whatever happened to those Nehru jackets? When do they make a comeback.
NorCALvotress - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, Mr ~BvD~ is a real person . . . never did see his undervich . . .
metaphorsbwithu - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Cherry Pie! And Fiddle Tee tee! ;-) I could hear a lot of the original lyrics in my head as I read this. Very fluid execution and funny to boot. I must crank up my old vinyl copy of American Pie soon and read this again while the song's playing. Like Don McLean on the album cover, it's a "thumb's up" and a FIVE, FIVE All American FIVE! Terrific!
Dr. Oliver Clozoff - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Oh. My. God. Best parody in quite a while.
Fiddlegirl - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
TT: Your sweet and noble spirit of chivalry warms my heart! Would that it were always thus. But, alas...

AFW: TT actually seems to enjoy pushing *me* over the edge first... but it works out fairly evenly in the end. Thanks for v/c!

Patrick: Thanks! Am Pie is sooooooooo easy. Just ask TT-- he'll tell you *all* about it. But he's just full of AIR. ;) BTW, as per your comment "you can rob more money with a suit and a briefcase than you can with a gun"... indeed. Just look at the current administration/legislature!

Leo: My, my... Mister won't wear a tie? ;) I suppose I can empathize. (I have similar feelings toward nylons.) Still, from a female POV, there's just something about a man in a suit... not the legal kind, the haberdashery kind. I suppose the birthday kind, too... But I digress. Thanks for v/c! :D

Mark Scotti: I think you're pretty "spats"tacular myself! ;)

McKludge: But Dad, we live here... ;)

Timmy1000: Have no fear-- everything old is eventually Nehru again!

NCV: Undervich button did you look? ;)

Metaphors: I often hear voices in my head, too, but they're probably not quite so musical. Thanks for v/c! - Tippecanoe and Turtle too :)
Tommy Turtle - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Timmy1000: When Nehru does? lol. Thanks for v/c.

NorCALvotress: Appreciate the info... have you seen London or France? Thanks for v/c.

metaphorsbwithu : There's also a faithful original at YouTube:
3w.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U
(you know how to change the 3w.) Thanks much on behalf of FG (concept was hers) and moi for the kind words, friend. (LOL FiddleTT!)

Dr. Oliver Clozoff: Very glad to receive such a positive diagnosis, Doc -- and very pleased to meet a new friend here. Assume you're an OB/GYN, of course? ;)
Christie Marie M - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Encore! Encore! Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle! One of the famous Big 7 OS! This tells all about how young people dress today, either with their pants half down! As a matter of fact, I was one of them, but my pants weren't down much. I always pull it up. As for the "ass-cracks", you want to tell them "Pull up those pants, it's an old house and there's enough cracks as it is!" I echo all comments above! 5's! Again, nice collaboration and teamwork, you two!
TT - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
EVERYBODY:
Seems my second batch of comments coincided with FGs -- that doggone ESPN again. Sorry for the dupes, but hey, look at the upside: Twice the replies to your comments!

Christie Marie M: Actually, as the male half of the team, I never really minded when a nice-looking young miss let it all hang out .. but there are some "muffin tops" that would be better kept in the oven! ... think we all agree that guys need to keep it in their pants -- *all* of it! lol! Thanks for v/c!
Leo Keough - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
FG: Oddly enough, my first AmPie parody here was entitled "Embarrassin' Tie" - much different subject, however.
Dr. Oliver Clozoff - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Sadly no, I only have a Ph.D. in Women's Studies.
TT @ Oliver and FG - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Dr. Oliver: I would think that "under" graduate would b more enjoyable!

Confucius say: Man who can read woman like book usually like to read in bed.

FG: No nylons? What a waste of a garter belt and spike heels!
TJC - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm sorry I'm late and underdressed for this auspicious occasion and can only echo the other's enthusiastic plaudits... 'twas Mary Poppinsly practially perfect in every way! This site's metaphormosing Slyrhymic Duo has now well and truly emerged from its chrysalis as a fully formed and wondrous buTTerFliGh with this mAgnificent MasterPIEce! Here's to heaping more heralds n' kudos on your laurels then topping those off with some heartfelt accolades... you tewe are now cemented in my mind as 'The Farce To Be Reckoned With'!
TC to TT - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Regarding Dr. Clozoff's specialty, I believe the only assumption one can safely make is that whatever form of '-ology' he practices surely contains the prefix 'endo-', at least in spirit!
TT - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Loved the cAPiTalizations! Thanks so much for the enthewesiastic revewe! ... FG is almost enough to make me give up sheep for good! (note "almost" -- not committing yet lol!) (thousands of heartbroken sheep shout at FG in unison: Baah!)

Re: Dr. C: I believe you're correct. He's always asking women, "Do you mind me innuendo?"
Andy Primus - September 06, 2011 - Report this comment
Lots of great lines - especially liked "underwear size", "naught inside", "nibble", "pants/lance", "prudes/nudes", "gay", & "bad-as ways/hobo days" lines.
I knew about female pudenda, but didn't know that it can also be male.
DK how I missed this one at the time - I was probably having a break from writing for a while.
Andy Primus - September 06, 2011 - Report this comment
"Bad-ass ways", obviously.
Tommy Turtle - September 07, 2011 - Report this comment
Andy Primus: Thanks for the drive-by! ... (ponders whether that should be rephrased) ... and thanks for the fave cites and the vote. (Hint: If you want to know what else you missed, you can click the blue link after "Parody Written By:", and it will take you to the page with *all* their songs on it! Works for each partner's solo works also -- lol ;-D )
Meriadoc - August 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Especially liked the gay salesperson line.

When I see these kids with their pants hangin' down, I am always tempted to open the window and shout: "Hey, you'll never outrun the cops in those!"
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: I assume that you're fortunate enough not to have "Political Correctness" in your abode? One would be pilloried here for stereotyping dress code with crime, regardless of how strong the correlation... (sigh). Orwell Newspeak has taken over.
    Screw PolCor, I *loved* your zinger! .. and glad you liked the (complimentary, not derogatory) gay salesman line. Old joke here:

Q: Why is it so difficult for a woman to find a guy who's smart, good-looking, and sensitive?
A: Because all of those guys already have boyfriends.

Thanks for the surprise visit and comment, Merry!
Peregrin - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Muwahahah all the way through! What a subject deserving of lampooning. Top job TT. And FG.
Tommy Turtle - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: Thanks! ... (searches for shred of humility; knows there's one somewhere) In all humility (the last bit left ;), Fiddlegirl came up with title switch, concept, and at least half the lines, before inviting TT to what was only our second collab. And the rest, as they say...
    Speaking of whom, I must apologize for my absent partner-in-rhyme. School starts here in a couple of days, and the poor thing is a teacher -- no doubt buried in preparation. [1] So, thanks on behalf of both of us.


[1] "Preparation" (metaphor) = a large pile of smelly brown stuff, often used as fertilizer. ;-D

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