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Song Parodies -> "Kiss Ruth's Record Goodbye"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don Mclean

Parody Song Title:

"Kiss Ruth's Record Goodbye"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

Don McLean's song mourned a musician's death; borrowing his tune, I here celebrate a record's.
"KIss Ruth's Record Goodbye"

A long, long time ago ---
10-1-’61 – do you recall?
Maris worked his magic in baseball
Tho’ he’d three more games to o’ertake,
And still four more than that to break,
No steroids helped him make Ruth’s record fall.
With that last dinger he delivered
Some fans cheered, others quivered,
Unenthused. One more rip,
That break-the-record score-trip,
That final rocket Roger skied,
No Fenway fence could keep inside.
He was both cheered and villified
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

Because they’re somewhat sort on shove
Most deep-hit fly balls find a glove
So they’re just loud outs, who cares?
And tho’ a few fall in and roll
An in-the-ballpark four-bag stroll
Is something that is vanishingly scarce.
There were none of those for Mister M.:
All sixty-one big bangs by him
Were rockets sent to cruise
When Number Nine had lit the fuse.
Yes, 'when the bombing Bronxman’s stance he’d struck
-- he would brink the plate and bat by left ear tuck --
The man a-mound was out of luck
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

Now, some cynics swear that it’s clearly shown
That Roger’s rep was overblown:
“He batted in the order number three,
And with Mick up next,” critics carped with spleen,
“They had to pitch him by routine,
Off’ring choice, not just a lame first base for free.”
Oh, why do cynics brook to crown
New besters who knock old kings down?
Why was Roger’s record spurned?
Why the shouts of “It’s unearned!”
It seems some folk believe some marks
Should never know new shadows’ dark --
And mossbacks caviled in the park
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

“Shelter, shelter, from the “Summer Belter!”
Thought hurlers who faced at-bats against the pelter
“Late full counts must end at last …
Should I give the guy a pass
Or slice the plate with my best gas --
The acid test -- and risk another Maris blast?”
Now his plate approach brought clouds of gloom
To Stallard’s mein (he’d felt the boom
Of Roger’s lashing lance
And didn’t want another chance).
Poor Tracy, tho’, his nerves he steeled,
And vainly hoped he wouldn’t yield
The homer that would seal the deal
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

Oh what a pair they were in that season’s race --
The Mick and Maris both on pace
To end Ruth’s thirty-four-year reign,
So on they went, before fans and Frick,
Two Yank sluggers stick-to-stick
Trying each his clout count to extend.
Oh, what drama on that diamond stage!
To watch those two slamsmiths engage
In what both did so well.
Who’d triumph? None could tell.
And tho’ bad hips stole Mantle’s might
Before the last round of the fight
Roger stayed to douse the light
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

Now tho’ one might expect boo-hoos
How sad that cheers were marred by boos
At Roger’s record solo shot that day,
Despite that that run made the score
1-0 and it took no more
To put the 6th-place Sox away.
And all the news sheets’ headlines screamed
“Swat’s Sultanate is New-Regimed!”
And my heart’s, like Ruth’s record’s broken
That never has Cooperstown token
Yet honored Roger or his ghost,
For, fair-and-square, he homered most
And I for one did raise a toast
The day Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballparks love and animus vied
On the day that Ruth’s record died.

And fans were singin’
“Bye-bye! Kiss Ruth’s record good-bye!”
“A record bleacher–reacher!” was the PA-man’s cry.
“That’s good!” alloyed with “That stinks!” I heard cried –
In the ballpark when Babe Ruth’s record died.
© Stan Hall

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
 1
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 4   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

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Stan - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Mea culpa --- no Fenway fence could keep that last dinger nside because the game in question was of course played in NYC, not Beantown. Meant to change "Fenway" to "ballpark" before submission, but didn't. Oh well, WTF ... :-)
AFW - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
A majestically mammoth monument to America's second favorite pastime..a great story, with great rhymes and lines...extremely well written
alvin - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day....a masterpiece....one of the best baseball parodies i've seen
John Barry - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
What Alvin said.
Stan - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, all. And AFW ... if baseball is only America's 2nd favorite pastime, what's 1st? Penning parodies? :-)
AFW - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh, no...It's gotta' be Sex...
John Jenkins - February 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff, Stan. You are well on your way to the big 7. Very good chorus. In your Tracy Stallard verse, I think you mean "mien," not mein.
Stan - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Gracias, JJ ... hadn't noticed the mein/mien typo. BTW, I keep seeing mentions of "the big 7" but haven' t seen an enumeration of same. Tho' my parodies usually develop from some fleeting, circumstantially-inspired twist of a title or single internal single line than from targeting a specific song or topic, it'd be fun to have the biggies at least available to expose to the lightning, :-)
John Jenkins - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan, for more details on the big 7, either go straight to this link, http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?topic=29637.0, or check out the Song Parodies section of the Messageboard under Miscellaneous above. You also might be interested in the Song Parody Contests – I think you will do well in them.
Stan - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
JJ, thanks for the link. I must say, tho', that I'm surprised to see Edmund Fitzgerald and Major General on the list, as I think both relative sitting ducks for parodical treatment. The latter is at least fun. The former strikes me as the parodizing equivalent of an acrostic -- a puzzle perhaps fun to solve but undermined by mere transcriptive busywork (which is why midway thru' an EF I began for sumission here I dropped it for a more fun use of it's title as the unifying line of Dylan's changing times tune). :-) American Pie can be very challenging when trying to hew both to McLean's end rhymes and to his erratic pacing without forcing distortative pronunciations. Sans a lookup, I'm insufficient familiar with the three Bs to know how parodizable I'd find'em. I'm sure the SOTM competiton is fun and productive of some great work, but my own amusemnet is really my main motivation. :-)
Patrick - February 08, 2008 - Report this comment
I admire anyone who takes on "American Pie" and does it well. So far, I've never felt up to the challenge. But if you're into long, long, songs with complex lyrics, I dare you to try and come up with a parody of Bob Dylan's "Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts". Lots of people have tried to divine the meaning of "American Pie". I'm not sure even Dylan really understood "Jack of Hearts", though there is a vague plot visible.
Doug - March 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Great job - really captured the feeling of the race that year.

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